So started this morning without peeing every hour, so that’s the diabetes subsided. I had breakfast and fed the dog. I was feeling rather horny so tried to get Jamie in the mood, I would have more sexual feedback from an oven glove. I ended up fapping away to which I was told, “Don’t spooge on the duvet it was only changed yesterday”. So I didn’t, I shot all over a pair of his pants, he probably wouldn’t have minded too much but he was wearing them at the time.

I got up and mowed the back and front gardens and ran the strimmer round. I was going to do a bit more gardening but wasn’t in the mood. Had lunch. Then decided it was about time I got out on one of the bikes, so I pumped the tyres up and took the mountain bike out for a short spin. I visited dad at Woodlands, he didn’t say much, but then again he always hated bank holidays.

Came back and washed the car. Then started on the BBQ. This was a BBQ for three as everyone we had invited had better plans already, and one of those was the dog (that’s one of the three, not the dog having better plans, although she probably did). So I started doing the manly shit and got it all going. It took about an hour to get glowing nicely. I decided this would be a good opportunity to watch the Eurovision Song Contest, so put that on loud in the background. BBQ was nice, good choice of burgers and sausages. We then collapsed on the sofa and watched the scoring then watched the Monaco Grand Prix. For some reason we are now both completely knackered. So I’m going to have a shower and then go to bed I think. See what the weather does tomorrow, but it’s probably back to sanding.

So started off this morning with the alarm going off at 8AM, so we got up at 8:30 and finished off the packing. I had the last of my cereal from what can only be described as a large crisp packet. We finished everything up and had a large pile of rubbish in the corner (which also included two pairs of shoes, more on this later….).

Check out was the usual Japanese breeze and we made it to the Narita express in good time. Hour and a half on the train then into the airport. We used the self service check-in and I paid about £300 for an upgrade to ‘Economy Comfort’, a good decision.

The flight back was considerably more comfortable than the one going, the seats were the same but we had a lot more leg room and they reclined a good sixty degrees. I had a collection of pillows and was pretty comfortable the whole journey. Started with a beer, then had wine, followed by cognac, followed by another two bottles of wine, a beer and a cup of tea. File wise, watched the new Hobbit film (okay, but far far too long), watched Les Mis again (good film but Russell Crowe is still a cock). Then watched another film called ‘Mamma’, which was a bit like ‘The Women in black’, it was a sort of horror, yeah it was okay. Then watched two American comedies, first one can’t remember, second one was about a guy bringing up a baby as his ex-wife was a serial killer, funny stuff.

We then ended up at Schiphol airport. Which as far as airports go it’s one of the better ones to be stuck at for three hours waiting for your transfer. We found an Irish pub and had fish and chips. Oddly we were then late for the gate, but there were others who were later. That journey was uneventful, which isn’t surprising as Amsterdam to Bristol is about seven minutes, I’ve had longer bowel movements.

Got our luggage back without any issues, mother was waiting outside the arrivals. We got in the car and she started driving. I’ve just done way over seven thousand miles in a steel tube five miles in the air with 350 people I probably didn’t like but this was a real thrill a minute. I’d forgotten just how ‘interesting’ my mothers driving is at night, when she doesn’t know where she’s going. Okay, I was half tired having been up for twenty odd hours but travelling down Winterstoke Road I felt that ‘bomb alley’ in Baghdad may have been a safer bet. We made it home, I had aged.

I had a quick shower and then went to bed by about 11PM. It was a very long day, I was glad it was all over and we’d both made it back safely. We were back to shitty normality, Bradley Stoke, Tesco’s, my mysterious job, Jamie’s dull one. Got back into a nice familiar bed, full of dog hair. Still at least we get to pick Sasha up tomorrow, so not all bad.

So it was our last day in Tokyo. We had a lot of finishing off to do and a lot of shopping to catch up on. We started doing the culture thing though and visited another temple. We then dived off on to the train and visited basically about every Anime shop in Tokyo. We grabbed a quick bite at the end of some train line, then hit a few more shops. I bought a couple of extra bits of tat, Jamie bought most of Tokyo.

I must admit I don’t really understand Anime, it’s all strangely drawn characters which cost about 3000 Yen. I bought another Pokemon t-shirt, enough said.

We made it back to the hotel for about 8PM and packed. It’s quite sad really, but I never got through half of my t-shirts, never wore that second pair of shorts or jeans. I had a shower then we headed out for the final weird experience of the holiday. We visited the ‘Capcom’ bar which is at the ass end of Shinjuku. Now one point I will state here, what the fuck is it with Shinjuku, black guys and trying to intimidate people? Sorry not being racist here, but that’s twice now we’ve been approached by black guys giving us shit in this area, I don’t want to be your friend, I don’t want to shake hands with you, I don’t want to buy your drugs or go to your ‘titty bars’, I just want you to fuck off and leave me alone. You are a fucking disgrace and the sooner the Japanese locals can wipe you out of this area the better for them.

Anyway, back at the Capcom bar, which we found sort of tucked away at the coner of a lobby. We entered by almost a secret door and were cheered in. It was a rather strange experience, all the food was themed and most of it tasted pretty good as well. It was yet another experience that was unique to Japan. A great night out and it didn’t really break the bank either.

So what am I going to take back from Japan? Well it isn’t as expensive as it used to be by a long way, compared to London I’d now say it was bloody cheap. I really need to get into J-Pop boy bands, not that I like the music, just in which order I should bang them.

Tokyo I will miss you, for the griminess of Soho, yet the service of Harrods.

So we started off slightly later than planned, but nothing really unusual. So we headed to Tokyo, then got on the shinkansen to Fuji, oddly the Fuji station was in the ass end of nowhere, so we ended up going to the end of the line. Then we turned round nd came back. So basically we spent two hours going nowhere. I did ask about a train to view Fuji better and it was like four hours.

So basically we spent the day (and over a hundred quid) going absolutely nowhere.

Still, we got out the hotel. Everyone is very sleepy, Jamie has yet another cold. I had a bath. I fell asleep in it twice. We went out to dinner and ate in a Korean place, although we had no idea of that at the time. The food was very nice and made a nice change. We then walked through the gay district again, sorry but it was just way too sleezy, we made it back to our bar. Drank beer. The guy there is as gay as fuck anyway.

So tomorrow is our last day, I’m sure we’ll make the most of it. It’s been fun.

So this morning started with sex, which is always a good way to go. We then got up and basically went shopping. We went into Shibuya and watched the worlds busiest crossing from the worlds busiest Starbucks. Jamie bought various CD’s. I started stared in awe at the complete tat that was available.

We walked into Harajuku and around a park, we eventually came across a temple that we were looking for. So that’s all the culture out of the way.

We went back to the hotel and shit, showered, shaved, then ventured out to find the ‘Robot Restaurant’, we’d made a reservation from the hotel earlier.

This whole experience was about an hour long and consisted of inedible food and cheap beer. It was just bizare. About forty scantally clad women prancing about to various themes envolving robots and warriors and all sorts of weirdness. It’s almost impossible to describe, it was just a visceral feats of odd. You ended up with these giant mechanical robots fighting each other. I think it’s about as close as you can get to porn in Japan, saying that on leaving, some large black bloke was asking us if we wanted to visit a ‘titty bar’.

We found a real busy little cafe / bar thing on the way back and ate some junk. Now very tired, it’s all coming to an end now. Mount Fuji tomorrow and that’s about it. It’s been pretty cool all in all.

So today we managed to start earlier than yesterday, but still wasn’t that early. We descended on the area of Sega Joypolis. We visited several shopping arcades and had a coffee in a ‘cat cafe’. This is a bizare concept, but I can see it’s appeal. You pay for an hour in the lair of cats with a coffee, it’s actually very relaxing. We also visited ‘Hello Kitty’ land, which is twee and vomit inducing.

Then we hit Sega Joypolis, which is pricey, but to be honest has more interesting stuff than Disney. We did the Sonic athletics game and a few others. Then just as it was getting interesting Jamie mananged to lose his passport ticket, so that fucked everything up. I did one more driving game thing which was quite fun then we hit the gift shop. Considering this is Sonic central, the gift shop is fairly dissapointing.

Incidentally I managed to go to a “Tower Records” and buy “Sexy Thing” by some gorgeous Japanese boy band. I need to look more into Japanese boy bands.

We ate again at ‘Pronto’ and then ventured on to the ‘bar’ where we ordered various shit. Okay was a bit pissed off earlier, but got over it, overall a fun day had by all.

We were on a lazy day today, but perhaps more lazy than we should have been. We were eventually turfed out by housekeeping at about 3PM. We took various train combinations to Tokyo and eventually made it to Tokyo Skytree. Now this was one of Japan’s special pieces of organisation which of course all made sense if you are Japanese. However I found a nice man who knew instantly I was a bit thick and pointed me towards a tent where they were giving out timed flyers. You then took one of these and at the alloted time could come back and then buy a ticket. It was all very confusing but we got it sorted in the end. So after we obtained the flyer we had about an hour and a half to kill, so we went in search of somewhere to eat. Jamie found a place and I settled down to a very odd Japanese dish of an omlette which contained chicken fried rice with curry sauce. It sounds and looks fairly disgusting, but actually tasted very nice. We made it up the sky tree in the end and view is spectacular. We got up there just in time for dusk. By the time we made it to the top deck Tokyo was just lighting up.

We came back down and then ventured back to the hotel. Quick shit, shower, shave and we were out again. This being Sunday quite a lot of the restaurants were closed. We ventured towards Shinjuku and settled on a little cafe/restaurant on the 3rd floor of a tower block. I had a pizza and Jamie had a chicken in wine sauce thing. All very good, all very poncy.

On the way there we did pass through the gay district, it was all fairly scary, although I’m sure we’ll pay it a visit one day next week.

Today we ventured out about normal time, which was late. We managed to get a local service rather than an express train so it took forever to get to Yokohama. Got to Kannai station no problem and found the stadium, there was a game on so it was very busy. Found the edge of China town, should have taken my first hunch but walked round a bit and through China town which was very busy. Oddly I came across the old ‘English Tavern’ first, before the hotel. The original Union Jack flag was there in the sign, but sadly the sign by the lift door had the name of a realtor on it. We did take the trip up to the 4th floor but all appeared to be empty. Sad, but was nice to see the remains of the old place, many many memories there.

Soon found the hotel, this now looks like it’s been turned into apartments or something, the sign is still there but the reception looks dark and empty.

We caught the bus down to Hon-Moko. Soon found the old Mycal building, went up to the 4th floor, it’s all a mere shell of its former self. What once was a bustling arcade with the Crystal Maze, Laser Quest and ‘Horror Maze’ is now a kiddies birthday party thing. Where the Maze once stood is now a bouncy castle. The whole building has certainly downsized in content if not physical size. What used to be quite a high end food court on the ground floor is now just a tacky market, the big posh restaurants have moved out, together with the expensive clothing and furniture shops. In thirteen years it’s gone from Fendi to Primark. I looked for the old Subway sandwich bar, I found the building, it’s now an office. The old ‘Dunkin Doughnuts’ place is empty. We ate at McDonalds which seems to be the only new thing there.

It appears that the economic downturn has hit Yokohama hard, most of the places I knew of just don’t exist anymore.

We found a Japanese Tesco express and also a giant Pokemon centre, so did a little bit of shopping. Then sensibly got the express train home.

I’ll always have a special place in my heart for Yokohama, I have a lot of good memories and had some fun times. Time moves on for everybody and everything, so it’s a fond farewell I say to Yokohama for probably the last ever time. If I close my eyes I can still see everybody in the ‘English Tavern’, so I’ll say Campie! to you all and finally one last sayonara.

So today was the first day that we slept through the night and woke up at a sensible time, that is about 10AM. We slowly surfaced, although bed was indeed a nice place to be. I had a tea and my cornflake replacement cereal (I have no idea what it is, but the picture looks like Frosties and it tastes just fine). Jamie took about half an hour to put his face on and do his hair. I took about three minutes. We repeated yesterdays journey and arrived at Disneyland Tokyo at about 11:30. It was packed and it was hot. We got fast passes for space mountain then meandered a bit. Did ‘It’s a small world’, which is just as irritating here as it is in every other country in the world. We then went back and did Space Mountain, which out of all the non-inverting versions of it I reckon this one is the best one, as it’s all pretty much pitch black.

We then took our places sat down for the parade, now this being Japan everybody sat nicely and nobody stood up, if this was the USA then everyone would have stood up and some fat twat with the ass the size of Texas would have blocked everybody’s view. If it was France the parade wouldn’t have gone ahead anyway as everyone would be on strike. The parade was very good.

We then went and had lunch (pizza, it was Friday, actually it was a fairly awful sausage pizza so it doesn’t really count). Then went back and did the haunted mansion. Then Jamie insisted we queued for over an hour to do the ‘Winnie the Pooh’ ride. I wasn’t overly impressed, after about 50 minutes of me moaning he finally said, “You’re going to sit in a honey pot and enjoy it”, I was apparently a small scalded child. I sat in a honey pot and enjoyed it. Technically it was quite impressive I’ll have to look up how it actually works.

We then had a Churro and a coke which I ordered from a stand entirely in Japanese. I’m very impressed with my 250 quid investment in the language so far, where all I’ve asked is ‘Does chicken exist?’, and ‘Two churro’s and a small coke please’. Mind you I was impressed than I could get the ‘small’ in. Also never go to Japan with me if I have more than one extra person as I only know the words for ‘One of’ and ‘two of’.

We watched the electrical parade, which again was impressive and again we had a non-restricted by fat American arses view. It was getting a bit chilly, I would say there was a bit of a ‘nip’ in the air, but that wouldn’t really be appropriate.

We then queued outside one of the Disney full service restaurants, we didn’t wait long to be honest. Had a fairly nice three course meal. Thanks to the power (or lack of) of the Yen we ate for about 13 quid, which by any standards, let alone Disney is pretty bloody good.

We then made the crawl back to the hotel again. I was insisting we went out tonight, but Jamie is moaning about being tired and requiring his beauty sleep, so I picked up a couple of cans and decided update everything instead as I’m a bit behind with a few bits.

Off to Yokohama tomorrow.