It’s official then, I’m no longer mad

Woke up this morning to get a letter, it was my Class 2 medical certificate. So now I’m cleared to fly solo. Just need to pass air law and learn to actually hit the target spot all the time, not just once in a session.

Spent the bulk of the day encoding video, this was actually for work purposes. Ended up doing it on the Mac as it was just better at it and more flexible. Finally checked in all the video code and a load of other stuff. Up to date again now. Tomorrow I have to look at some remote play stuff which should be quite interesting.

Went to the gym and did Spin with Laverne. Coming to the end of the month now. It’s been interesting but fun. Thinking about doing a few more videos. I think the next one will be based on mothers famous anecdotes, after all, everyone wants to hear about the time I got bullied (which never actually happened), or the record my cousin broke which never actually existed. There’s a few more as well.

Still trying to catch up with TV.

If you want to find the dullest people on earth, tune into a 70cm repeater

Gt up at 6:30 and took Dillon to daycare. Went back to bed. Started work fairly on time. Still tweaking that video player. By god does MP4 decoding eat up vast amounts of memory. Got a mail from Dr Ramsey, my medical certificate is on it’s way. Got an email from the rental company, the hire car is now sorted.

While working I had my scanner on, tuned into a 70cm repeater. This is because I need to take a telephony exam so thought I’d get into the swing of it again. It’s mainly a quiet channel, but every now and then Mr Dull pops up and then another Mr Dull answers. The first Mr Dull is sat somewhere on the M5 where he’s going to Taunton to change a toner cartridge, the other Mr Dull then answers with the fact he can’t get his tablet to read his email. And I thought diagnosing my mothers technical problems was fucking tedious. They both then talk about their exceedingly dull lives for a further ten minutes while almost completely ignoring each other. They say amateur radio is full of old farts with nothing better to do than talk about the weather. It isn’t. It’s full of old farts who have nothing better to do than talk about toner cartridges. At least the weather would be current, or even relevant. I look forward to being able to talk to these people again, I’ve had a month without depression and dullness, I’m kind of missing it.

Picked up Dillon. Went to Pump. Gave it all once again. Shoulders actually felt a bit sore from yesterdays cross trainer exploits. Came back and did some more work. Then ate salad and two bags of peanuts. Caught up on yet more television. Now up to mid December.

Jamie don’t be a twat, if we get off in Germany we’ll never get there

Woke up this morning in a piss. Not alcohol related. But very annoyed with Jamie. We were going to America but he had the bright idea we should get off in Germany and drive for a bit as it would be quicker. So we missed the fight connection. My mind works in mysterious ways.

Spent the whole day finishing off the MP4 video player. All mainly working now. Sent off my radio license application, see if they can dig out my old records.

Got a mail from Dr Ramsey, he has my medical report so should hopefully be able to issue my certificate now. Got a mail from the car hire company, still not sorted yet.

New lens arrived. It’s very nice. Went to gym, worked on cross-trainer. Came back and ate too much crap. Still crying to catch up on TV.

Now there’s something I thought I’d need again

Actually slept through Jamie getting up for work, which I think is the first time I’ve ever done that. Was however, awoken by the dog. Fed and let everyone out. I used the bathroom, dogs used the garden, but we had the same goals.

Cracked on with video player. Got most of it working now, just a few more bits to sort out. The video and audio don’t sync up, nothing is ever bloody straightforward.

Went to Combat. Admired my arms. My sister asked me what she should say to my mother, I just said that she should stop spending money she doesn’t have, stop moaning about everything or just do the decent thing and die. Came back and did some more work.

I need to pass a radio telephony exam for the PPL(H). I keep getting everything fumbled on my communications. I had a quick look on Ebay to see if there were any old second hand VHF radio transmitters and to my surprise found brand new ones for under forty quid. So printed out all the paperwork and filled it it.

My mind is better off without you in it

Jamie vanished early as he was going to some Sonic thing in London. So I was left with the dogs. Woke up and got breakfast. Cruised porn, okay cruised Ebay. Managed to get hold of the Tamron lens I was after. It was supposed to be a reward for staying off the booze for the month, but by the time it gets here it’ll be the month end anyway. Got it for a good price so quite happy.

Got up and shifted things about in the kitchen. Then painted all the skirting boards. Walked the dogs. Had boiled eggs. All ready now for next week to lay the flooring.

Spent the rest of the afternoon editing a new video. I’m not ranting or anything, it’s just helicopter footage I’m putting to music. I managed to get the iPad controller for FCPX for free, it was supposed to be £35, but when I checked on the site it was 99c, but when I purchased it it never charged me. It has quite a nice frame scrub wheel, so good for doing very fine edits. Got all the jump cuts in and done a basic colour balance, need to do all the effects next. Fixed a couple of model helicopters and flew them around the lounge.

Got a text from my sister, saying my mother is asking if I’m still alive as she hasn’t heard from me in a month. That’s an exaggeration to start off with, it’s been two weeks. And those two weeks have been great. I’ve not had any depression issues, black days or suicidal thoughts. I’m actually feeling really good at the moment, enjoying things and having a lot of fun. I’ve actually found enjoyment in creative activities and just playing about. I even found Jamie attractive the other night until I discovered it was the dog in his place. Just thinking about her made me uneasy and I could feel an anxiety attack coming on. I had a bath. I know what mother would say, ‘Oh it’s all in the mind’, well that’s kind of the point of mental illness. For the moment I’m very happy as I am, she’ll need to respect that unless she gets some joy from destroying my soul. She makes nice fruit cake, but then again, so do Tesco’s.

I’m never going to be truly free for the moment, but at least I’m allowed out on day release.

Flying in a 22kt wind is quite a particular challenge

Woke up and provided breakfast for the troops. Felt very bloaty, to many carbs last night. Drank coffee, read the paper. Walked the dogs. Then it was time to go up to Staverton. Got there in good time. Quite a low cloud base and the wind had picked up to varying 13-22 knots. We took off straight into circuits, fighting the wind was actually quite a challenge. We spent the whole hour doing circuits, I gang the hang of it in the end. My landings were getting better and better. We also did a few engine off autorotation landings, which were a bit pant wetting. Doing a 360 degree lookout turn in 22 knots is bloody difficult. We kept to the hour, fun anyway.

Drove back and looked at the video footage, all pretty good. I have enough now I think to do a decent edited video.

Did the accounts, failed to win items on Ebay. Looking for a new sat-nav, failing. Ate some chicken in a Chinese sauce. Jamie is away tomorrow, I have a fun day painting skirting boards.

One week to go

Again after a very late night I was up and about and started work early. Fed everyone and had breakfast. Work was fixing rumble on a controller and then writing a video player. We usually use a 3rd party one, but due to ever spiralling licensing costs I was asked to find an alternative. The console does have built in MP4 decoding, so I spent the afternoon writing all the support for that. It’s mostly done now, just needs hooking up and testing.

Went to the gym and did Pump, followed by a really good session with Laverne afterwards. She was really surprised that I could do the plank while suspended from TRX fully extended on a ball. I still feel rather wide.

Finished off work. Then hung the washing up. Sat down and watched a film, “Cars2”, which was recorded over Christmas, still trying to do four hours of telly a night, but it’s bloody hard going. Ate my chicken pasta dish. Feel quite full. So one more week to go, off the booze. I’ve kind of enjoyed it, it’s been easier than I expected. Plus I’m giving absolutely everything at the gym at the moment, and I think it’s actually paying off a bit.

Still scheduled for flying tomorrow.

Feeling kind of chunky

Woke up this morning feeling wider. Not in a fat kind of way, but more in a bulky kind of way. I think my efforts in the gym are slowly paying off. I certainly haven’t lost any weight, but my chest feels firmer and looks more defined. I actually quite like it.

Working today on one bug, which took all day, hadn’t finished it by gym time. Went to spin and lost weight. Sat down this evening ate Ryvita’s and put it all back on again. Finally traced and fixed the bug.

We did a bit more holiday scheduling, managed to cut down on day to day mileage. It’s still a hell of a long drive though.

Managed to get hold of a North American map for a Garmin GPS. Now just need a Garmin GPS.

It’s now 3AM. I’m feeling great. One week to go.

What happens if you accelerate rapidly towards death and then forget to brake at the finale?

Woke up at 6:15AM, so decided to get up there and then and take Sasha to daycare. Was back in bed by 7AM. Actually started work just after 10AM. The cleaners arrived shortly afterwards. Don’t think I’ve ever had the same ones twice.

Work was fine, going trough a bug list and fixing most of it. A few more still to do. Picked the dog up. Went to Pump, gave it bloody everything. Came back, did more bugs and had my protein shake. Ate salad, continued in my quest to kill off four hours of TV a night. Managed three and a half. Only eight days to go now. Watching a few bits on E-bay. I think I’ll be hiring a GPS from here for the three weeks as it’s only twenty quid. Looking for a new wallet, can’t find one I like, it’s rather annoying. I want one like I have now, but less fucked.

Hopefully flying again Saturday, will try and take some more footage and put a decent video together.

Feeling quite creative

Didn’t sleep well, but woke up feeling very refreshed. Cracked straight on with work. Got everything done that I wanted to get done.

Went to the gym, spent about forty-five minutes on a cross trainer. Then did a home check for a couple of cats.

Come to a bit of an odd decision earlier. Well you may think it’s odd, or cruel or even wrong. But at the end of the day I have to think about me and my well being. I’ve decided to disconnect from my mother for the foreseeable future. I’ve just had my fill of deceit, lies and manipulation. It’s just not doing me any good at all. Why is it I can do a very complex job, get disturbed by ten people and have a mountain of work to do and only get a bit stressed, but when I hear from her my stress levels go through the roof and I head into a massive depression. Really I guess I should have moved to Aus when I had the opportunity about twenty years ago, I think it would have done me good.

Since I’ve made this odd decision I feel like I’ve had a huge wait lifted from my shoulders (and dumped it heavily on my sister, sorry, but I just need to do this for a bit). Suddenly I feel a lot happier, less stressed, it’s kind of weird. I spent the evening just playing around with Final Cut and Traktor and had a great time, very creative. I attached new rotors to a model helicopter and flew it around. I sat down with the dogs and watched the telly. I even booked the hire car for the trip (well paid a deposit on it anyway).

Don’t forget to watch the video ‘QVC’s best customer’, then you can see why I’ve made this choice.

I hope it’s a beginning and not the end.