So I had a weird dream this morning, it was about a car, not my car, but an old friend of mine. She posted yesterday on FaceBook that she had a service light come on. So dutifully this morning I had a two hour dream about how I diagnosed the problem and traced it to a non-existent lithium-ion battery that was next to the main one. This I explained was a ‘common fault’, put a multi-meter on it and showed it was flat. I’m very pleased I’ve managed to provide a very pleasing non-existent service. I’m available for all your vehicular diagnostic needs.

Got up and had a bit of a wander outside the hotel. The man at the gat was very concerned that I wasn’t on a bus and didn’t require a taxi. He kind of pointed out that ‘outside’ there was ‘sod all’, I tried to explain the concept of GeoCaches, but considering it took five minutes to persuade him that he wanted ‘my’ room number and not ‘his’ room number (maybe I was missing a trick there?) I just explained that I was going for a bit of a walk. So GPS in hand I found the location. I realised that I didn’t actually have any maps on the GPS for Turkey, so it was more of a kind of ‘locate the dot’ than any kind of navigation. It was an old church ruin, the only problem was it was down a hell of a steep cliff. In the UK I would have gone for it, knowing that if I tossed it up, one of the fifty air-ambulances that constantly circle Bradley Stoke would be there in a flash. Here in a pair of flip-flops and a vest I feel that if I slipped then a man with a band-aid may turn up in about a week and would want to know where my wallet was before he’d even spit on a piece of cotton wool. I gave it a miss, it was a nice walk anyway. The houses close to the hotel really are very nice, it’s a good area.

I returned to the busy activity of sitting by the pool. Herman the German was in fact Russian, he must have built up all those muscles by working the salt mines. He seemed to disown most of his family, it must be difficult being a teenage boy when all you want to do is read a book about espionage (yes I did translate the title) and listen to shite euro pop (I didn’t need to translate that, I could here it), when your family want to play ‘scrabble’ (how the fuck does that work in Russian?) and go shopping in Bodrum for fake handbags.

Pickfords then moved in. An English couple turned up and decided that the vast number of available sun beds were not in the correct locations. So then spent the next ten minutes dragging the fucking things from one side of the pool to the other. They sat on them, then decided a minutes later that they were not quite at the correct azimuth to the sun, so got up and moved them again. Thirty seconds later they still were not settled, so had one more go. Then finally they got up, packed all their stuff away and disappeared completely, probably in belief that they were in the wrong country and would get a better view of the sun if they were in Greece.

I was getting a bit of a sore bum (inappropriate Speedo’s), so relocated to the bar for a couple of drinks and further studying of ‘air-law’. Basically a small, okay large family of lard turned up (yes they were Russian). They looked through the menu, called the bar man over. The rather rotund lady ordered the stake. Then she ordered another one and said that one wouldn’t be enough, plus a bowl of chips, a large bowl of chips. The food arrived some minutes later, I swear she devoured it in two mouthfuls, without even removing her cigarette. The barman arrived again to remove the plates, the chap sat opposite her, who was half her size, but still as large as a family hatchback, announced that he would like the spaghetti bolognaise… again. The women announced that she wanted four steaks as ‘these are tiny’ and four large bowls of chips. I ordered a large Vodka as this was something to be savoured. It all turned up. She actually piled all four steaks on top one another and ate them as some kind of weird meet sandwich. The chips may have been served in a bucket, she emptied the best part of two bottles of ketchup on them. But it was all fine really, she ordered a diet coke.

I went back to the sun bed. Then we were struck by what can only be described as ‘Kensington syndrome’. Little ‘Arabella’ turned up, with mummy and daddy. She instantly moaned about how awful everything was, why wasn’t there a waiter and if this was Claridges there would be Champagne on ice and someone to gently lick the perspiration off her twat. Her mum looked like she had a Luis Vuitton stuffed full of coke to just get her through the day and poor dad looked like he’d left his soul and sanity back at the point when he wished he wore a condom. She vanished, mum went off with her hand bag and no doubt a straw and dad moved around a few sun beds, knowing no matter where he placed them it wouldn’t be good enough. She returned later in a Bikini, to be honest all those hours spent quaffing frappa-decafe-latte hadn’t done her too bad, she had curves in the right places, her breasts were still defying gravity but then she opened her mouth. “Daddy said if I didn’t date Phillip he’d buy me a new car”. I’m surprised she could tear herself away from her inevitable ‘horsey’. Still, it takes all sorts.

We retired to the hotel room. I fell asleep on the couch, all this hanging around on sun beds doesn’t half take it out of you. We had dinner tonight at the Italian, it really was style over substance, the presentation was fabulous, the food itself was mediocre. The sea bass was within an inch of being welded to the plate.

I’m having terrible bowel problems, eating all this ‘proper’ food is playing havoc with my intestines, I’m backed up worse than the M6.

So we are half way through. Not sure I can cope with any more, I’m missing work, I’m missing stress, I’m missing not going to the gym on a daily basis and running. I’m missing not eating salad. I’m missing not being me.

Okay, so I’ve probably gone through this multiple times, but today I was sat by the kiddies pool, mainly because the amount of kiddies here is pretty much zero. There was one small German child who was stomping around the pool, the mother kept on apologising for the splashing. I went to the bar where I had a very ‘pigeon’ conversation with a Russian, a German and a Pole. We were being served by a Turk. None of us were exactly stunning, we were all over hanging our trunks, wishing we were thirty years younger. The fun thing is, not one of us wanted to declare war on the other, no one turned around and said I need to rule you, I want all your natural resources. The conversation was about the weather and if the vodka had been watered down. This morning at breakfast a German man poured me an orange juice, I had no need to occupy his country. We really don’t need wars. What we really need is all the top brass to spend a couple of weeks at an all inclusive hotel in Turkey. Here they will learn the most valuable lesson of all….tolerance. Here you will find all nations, just getting along. The Germans will pour you an orange juice, the French will open a door, even the Russians may decide that perhaps you were in front of theme for the queue at the bar. Everyone here is an equal, the world should be more like this.

So back to today. I actually woke fairly early. Got the towels on the sun beds. I went down for breakfast, I had some cereal and a banana. Booked the Italian for tomorrow night. The day mainly consisted of studying air law until midday, then reading Jeremy Clarkson until the sun went down.

I must admit, I’v been in a bit of a downer today, I think it’s because it’s kind of hump day, so hormones are raging. Bring on tomorrow.

Okay, so this morning was a bit of a mess. I’m happy to say it was “Just one of those things”. I phoned reception about the safe, it was still firmly shut. What followed was basically two hours of small Turkish men appearing with various tools. They were all good as gold, none of them could speak any English, so I kept being put on a phone to reception for translation. After an hour I was on the phone, “Sorry, your safe is very hard to open, they have to drill it”. A man turned up with a bloody great battery drill and a selection of batteries. Give him credit, he drilled it in exactly the correct place and a few moments later the innerds were retrived. Which is a good job too, as this included the passports and the boarding passes. After another hour of faffing about the little man decided the entire thing was completly fucked and unbolted it and replaced it with an entirely new safe. By this time I’d already been visited by the man to restock the mini bar and the house keeping lady to make the bed. So half the day had gone already, I’d only done one black coffee and it was time to meet the holiday rep. Thankfully it was the same guy we saw last year, I’m glad we leave such a lasting impression. He said immeadiatley that we were not going on any excursions and that he wouldn’t waste any more of my time. I went back to the pool. I was very good, I didn’t touch any alcohol until midday, by this time it was midday, so I made up for it. We had lunch. It was pizza. I spent the afternoon reading Jeremy Clarkson, I must admit he certainly isn’t everyones cup of tea, but he had me laughing very much out loud. I had a few more beers and a few more coffees. I even had a snooze, under the sun, it was blissful. We were planning on calling it a day at five, but it was gone six by the time we ventured back to the hotel room. Okay, this time we do not have a jacuzzi overlooking the ocean, but it’s still a bloody nice room. We had a bath, and it’s a bath you could get an entire football team in, read some magazines. We then ventured back to the enourmous bed. Now, lets be fucking crude. Jamie has lost a lot of weight recently, so he straddled me and rode me like a pony, I then stuck him on all fours and ploughed him like a field. It was good. We then went down to dinner. I was quite good, had some duck and some chicken, I don’t see why I should stuff myself, it was all about quality, I enjoyed what I had. We skipped the show, I think tonight it was “The little mermaid”, instead we went to the lobby bar, played some games and had a few cocktails. It’s a beautiful night in Turkey, I’m for once at peace with the world, I have no desire to die, I’m quite content, this week at least, I’m happy to be alive.

Okay, first apologies for this entry being rather late. Also I remember now that the spell checker doesn’t work properly on the iPad, so you have the additional chure of decoding my ramblings.

So yesterday started off early, bloody early to be precise. About 3.30AM. So we got up bright and cheerful, dressed, then got in the car. At this point Jamie informed me that he’d forgotton his razor, it’s not like I’d kiss him anyway as he’s hardly a looker, but still, couldn’t handle that, so quick scramble to get razor and off we went. The sat-nav decided to send me round the longest way possible to get to the M32, the rest of the journey was uneventful. Why was I using a sat-nav? How well do your senses work at 4AM? Check-in was painless, if slightly long, the queue extended around the airport about twice, it moved fairly quickly though. Not much to say about the flight, which I think is a good thing. After landing, thanks to all the drop offs it took about two hours to get to the hotel.

They remembered us from last year, well at least their computer did, with a fully preprinted check-in card. Welcome cocktails were served. Driven to the room. Okay, it’s not as palacial as last years, we don’t have a jacuzzi overlooking the ocean, but I do have a sea view suite on the top floor, with a bath I could drown half of Bazil in. And I love the shower, I could spend all evening in there, okay, I spent most of it. I put items in the safe, the safe then jammed, that was the last we were going to see of its contents in a while. Man came couldn’t open it. We went to dinner, I had sea bass, with chicken, with sea bass, followed by some chicken, and some rice. We then went to the pool bar and listened to some band who were performing to an audience of about six. They were pretty good actually. I drank lots of beer.

We returned to the room just before mid-night, the safe still being firmly locked. We drifted off to sleep very quickly, it’s quite nice not breathing in dog hair.

Tomorrow is now actually today, the afternoon is almost upon us, but to find out about that tune into tomorrow, or may be that is today.

So woke up fairly early. Let the dogs out. Then procrastinated a lot before breakfast. I then read the paper. Phoned mother, didn’t want to kill her afterwards, so that’s a plus. Got up. Hung up the washing. Then descaled the coffee machine and the water boiler. Finally had lunch then walked Sasha. Packed the dogs into the car and drove to the kennels. Dogs very eager to get in, went straight in the hut. I was then asked when I’d booked them in. It turns out that they weren’t in the book. It was fine providing I could pick them up Friday, after that he was full. I then got very stressed and had a bit of an existential crises. He had them in his book, but for three days at the end of September. Eventually as I was a good customer the dogs stayed. I came back and looked through the emails. Found where I’d booked them in…for next week. Strange that he hadn’t got that week booked either. I’d normally confirm a few weeks before, but completely forgot.

Went for a run. Came back, weighed myself, I’d broken the ten stone barrier so mission accomplished. Had a shower, then packed. Published new video, which is August update, part two.

So that’s it then. All done. Off to Turkey tomorrow.

There will be no vlogging, no twenty six part YouTube series. But there will probably be some rather amusing FaceBook status updates, plus of course this wonderful blog. Which will no doubt be written heavily under the influence.

Think I slept alright, not quite sure. Okay so today I didn’t try amazingly hard at work, I had quite a few things to finish off and I did them all. Had a lunch break for once, walked the dog. Did a bit of washing and hung it up on the line for once. Went to Pump. That’s it now, just one run tomorrow. Went out this evening for a meal for Megan’s birthday. Got stuck in traffic on the M5, did a diversion, drove round half of Bristol. Then got back on the M5 and gave it another go. Got there in the end. I had spit roasted chicken and some vegetables. Drove home, less exciting. Hung up washing. That’s it then, packing tomorrow and dogs off to kennels.

I think I slept last night, must of, no weird dreams anyway. Was slightly disappointed that the scales were at 10:01.8. So that’s two days to go for the last pound and a bit. Cracked straight on with work, bit of a mixed day on that. Spent a lot of it building data and then more tracing bugs. So nothing new really written, just looking at rather a lot of dull stuff. Managed to finish editing the second part of the last video, that’s now upload, I’ll make it live tomorrow. Walked Sasha. Did everything a bit backwards this evening, went for a run, then had a shower. Then headed to the gym for a weights session with Laverne. Came back and ate. So that’s it now, Pump tomorrow and probably one more run on Saturday. Did all the shopping list. So one more work day tomorrow, then out in the evening.

So I went to bed at just gone midnight and got up at 7AM without anything in the way of sleep. Let the dogs out, fed them and then made breakfast. Dogs were confused. Finally loaded Dillon into the car and dropped him at daycare. Then carried on up to the M5 and off to Staverton. Made it in good time. James was late. We got going near enough straight away. Straight into circuits, I think I did about six. Then a load of short circuits into autorotations and flares. We were limited to exactly an hour as the other R22 was knackered and there was a queue to use this one. One more flight to do emergency procedures in parts of the circuit and then it’s solo time.

Drove back and started work about half eleven. Worked through till about half three then picked up Dillon. Then worked up until Pump, did that, picked up a parcel and then did a home check for a cat. Came back and did a couple more hours work. Finally sat down and ate salad. I think I have about two and a half pounds to lose now. Running and PT with Laverne tomorrow.

So after double the recommended dose of a sleeping pill I actually got off to sleep in about ten minutes. Didn’t wake up until about 8:30. It was wonderful. Got straight on with work. Got very pissed off with some very old GUI code. After several attempts I gave up on my first line of attack. After another couple of hours I got it mostly sorted, just need to add a load of code later on. I was going to go for a walk but then there was a sudden emergency that the on screen keyboard didn’t work. The reason being that it had never actually been written. So that was a fun few hours. Went out for a run. Came back and did another hour or so. Finally sat down and ate salad. Will pop some more pills then head to bed.

Oh, I’ve lost over six centimetres from around my gut, quite pleased with that. Still I’m trying to break the ten stone barrier by Sunday, almost there. Dillon at daycare tomorrow, slight diversion on the way home…going via Staverton aerodrome.

So yet another fun night going between beds, to mainly stay cool. Didn’t get a huge amount of sleep. Work was quite dull, mainly working through bugs and then looking at text rendering. A hell of a long day though all in all.

Walked Sasha. It was a lovely day today, really quite warm. Went to Body Combat, there was a whole seven of us there. Wasn’t overly in the mood but gave it a good shot. I’d already had chest pains earlier in the day, which were more stress related than anything else. Felt fine this evening when doing yet more work. Took a fun batch of herbal sleeping pills, doubt they will do anything. Ate salad. Tomorrow it’s more of the same and back to running, which oddly I’m quite looking forward to. My new shoes arrived.

I filmed a new video a week or so ago, I just sat on the couch and talked about lots of fun things. I’ve edited it down into two parts, the first part covers an update on my handling of depression and also the latest on my mothers QVC buying habits.