Okay, so this morning was a bit of a mess. I’m happy to say it was “Just one of those things”. I phoned reception about the safe, it was still firmly shut. What followed was basically two hours of small Turkish men appearing with various tools. They were all good as gold, none of them could speak any English, so I kept being put on a phone to reception for translation. After an hour I was on the phone, “Sorry, your safe is very hard to open, they have to drill it”. A man turned up with a bloody great battery drill and a selection of batteries. Give him credit, he drilled it in exactly the correct place and a few moments later the innerds were retrived. Which is a good job too, as this included the passports and the boarding passes. After another hour of faffing about the little man decided the entire thing was completly fucked and unbolted it and replaced it with an entirely new safe. By this time I’d already been visited by the man to restock the mini bar and the house keeping lady to make the bed. So half the day had gone already, I’d only done one black coffee and it was time to meet the holiday rep. Thankfully it was the same guy we saw last year, I’m glad we leave such a lasting impression. He said immeadiatley that we were not going on any excursions and that he wouldn’t waste any more of my time. I went back to the pool. I was very good, I didn’t touch any alcohol until midday, by this time it was midday, so I made up for it. We had lunch. It was pizza. I spent the afternoon reading Jeremy Clarkson, I must admit he certainly isn’t everyones cup of tea, but he had me laughing very much out loud. I had a few more beers and a few more coffees. I even had a snooze, under the sun, it was blissful. We were planning on calling it a day at five, but it was gone six by the time we ventured back to the hotel room. Okay, this time we do not have a jacuzzi overlooking the ocean, but it’s still a bloody nice room. We had a bath, and it’s a bath you could get an entire football team in, read some magazines. We then ventured back to the enourmous bed. Now, lets be fucking crude. Jamie has lost a lot of weight recently, so he straddled me and rode me like a pony, I then stuck him on all fours and ploughed him like a field. It was good. We then went down to dinner. I was quite good, had some duck and some chicken, I don’t see why I should stuff myself, it was all about quality, I enjoyed what I had. We skipped the show, I think tonight it was “The little mermaid”, instead we went to the lobby bar, played some games and had a few cocktails. It’s a beautiful night in Turkey, I’m for once at peace with the world, I have no desire to die, I’m quite content, this week at least, I’m happy to be alive.

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