Started off this morning with sex, well not full on, but a bit of fapping. Jamie then went to work, I thought it was his day off. Actually this morning started rather strangely. I got up at 6:15 and took Dillon to daycare. I then went back to bed. I had a dream….Jamie and I had an argument about him being fat, I then ended up smashing a house up, which was shaped like a goldfish bowl. I then broke the cooker. I must lay off the cheese.

Work wise was all about threading and optimisation. Basically on a console processing five render threads at once works fine, on PC due to DX locking everything everywhere it’s actually slower. Still, console is my problem, DX isn’t. I’ll carry on doing what I’m doing.

Walked Sasha. Picked up Dillon. Went to Pump. Bottle the rest of the red, yielded twenty-nine bottles, not bad at all.

Now, the curtains I have are 90 inches long, they need to be 87 inches long. This requires someone with better seamstress skills than me. Now you will ask, “Why don’t you just ask your mother?”. Well, it’s because I will then be indebted to her forever. Okay, it may have been traumatic for her to give birth to me, but it’s been traumatic for me ever since. She only took me the cinema seven times as a kid and all our holidays were shit. She would do the curtains for me, she’d talk about it a lot, then phone me at least five times on the subject. Then the demands would start….I need a TV aerial cable running under the floor from my bedroom to the kitchen, I want my ceilings painting, I have a leak on my roof, my tyres keep going down, my shower is leaking, my virus killer needs updating, I don’t know how to sell stuff on eBay, my knees hurt, I’ve got a bunion, look at my swollen ankle, I’ve got £15 in my bank account and an overdraft bigger than the US debt ceiling. Well if you stopped buying Dennis Basso coats and Kim & Co shit that you never wear you may be able to afford to eat. “But I need the telly to work in the kitchen, that’s where I sit and eat and I need to watch QVC or I might miss some complete tat.” “Any chance you can wire up a TV in the loo, so if I’m taking a dump I won’t miss the Christmas special.” She hasn’t worked out yet that she can stream the lot on her laptop anyway. I don’t know why one person really requires no less than four TV’s, multiple freeview boxes and cable. I bet it’s so she can have QVC on one, Bid Up on another, plus two spares for any other junk. “The only thing I have to look forward to is boxes arriving”, Oh there’s one box I am waiting to arrive dear.

I’ll find someone else to alter the curtains.

So this morning for reason I was awake at 4AM then continued to wake every hour until 9AM wanting a very large pee. This either means I have diabetes, prostate problems or just draining the remains of 300 litres of Japanese lager from the previous week.

So had breakfast at 10AM. This was followed by some sort of sexual activity, nothing adventurous, more of a pipe cleaning exercise. Still, it was now a good excuse to change the sheets, spunk and dog hair is almost like concrete when it solidifies.

Had a email back from the hotel saying, ‘We’ve found these two pairs of shoes…..’, I sent one back saying that they can recycle them. One pair had a broken heal, the other Jamie just didn’t like, apparently they didn’t go with his blazer.

I started on the first round of washing then did the unpacking. As usual half the clothes I took I didn’t wear. Mind you I did get through more T-shirts than normal. I did make some sort of effort. Put the suitcases back in the loft and sorted everything away. First load finished (washing not my balls) so hung that out to dry. Then set off to Tesco’s. Jamie came as well, so it was like shopping with a five year old child, things kept appearing in the basket and he kept buggering off every two minutes. Still there were good offers on loo rolls and kitchen towels. Came back and had toast, hung out next round of washing.

Then we went to pick the dog up. She was in a run and seemed quite settled until she saw us. Then I don’t thing I’ve ever heard her whine so loud of jump so high. I’m sure at one point her ass actually hit the top of her kennel. There was a bit of a queue so we just had to listen to her whining. Anyway she was very pleased to see us. She got on fine and played nicely with all the other doggies, she seems in good shape and if anything lost a bit of weight, so she’s been running around a plenty. We’ll use them again as I think she had fun and it appears to be a pretty popular place.

Came back, Jamie buggered off with one of his anaemic bean poll blue friends together with a load of Sonic stuff. I hope he has tissues and lube.

I stuck my Japanese J-Pop ‘Sexy Thing’ poster on the side of the wardrobe. I was thinking about sticking it above the bed so if I need inspiration while banging away I have a choice between Tom Daley and fourteen nubile Japanese boys.

I then decided as the weather was nice to hoover out the car. So I tied the dog to her long leash and let her outside. I then spent the next three hours hoovering every last hair out of the car. I made a good job of it. Okay, so I have an industrial vacuum cleaner for the car, that makes it somewhat easier. Hung another lot of washing up.

Jamie has just come back, obviously all sexually exhausted. He can empty the dishwasher, that should calm his ardour.

So after watching Les Miserable again it made me think a little bit about the book it’s based on. It was written by Victor Hugo in 1860 something. I read it a few years ago, to be honest it’s bollocks. Okay it’s French so that doesn’t help, I would have attempted to read it in the original Klingon (look it up) but went for the English language version. It’s big, very big, I seem to remember a couple of thousand pages. It’s also oddly laid out, hundreds of chapters each about three pages long. About half the book is complete drivel, it’s Hugo banging on about his political theories, Sewers (I kid you not), and also about a visit to Waterloo (the battle field, not the tube station). Now the musical is interesting as it’s based on the book, to be honest it’s probably based on about ten pages of the book. Dear old Jean Viljean doesn’t appear in a great deal of it. The oddest thing for me though is he keeps bumping into Javert and keeps saying ‘give me three days’, blah blah. Then he goes from being a prisoner to a factory owner and mayor to then becoming part of the revolution, although that started happening about twenty years before. Anyway, the film is fine, except for Russell Crowe who’s a cock and I like the songs.

It’s reminds me somewhat of another complete pile of cack which is Ulysses. This I read when I was going through ‘I must read some great classic literature’, phase many years ago. I did tried some Dicken’s but decided it was very depressing. Anyway, back to James Joyce, this was written in 1920 something. It’s considered a very important work of literature. Now let me condense it down, bloke walks around Ireland. Job done. It is almost impossible to read and follow, there is one chapter that is just one sentence, it’s meant to be stream of conciousness, to me it’s a stream that will make you unconscious with boredom. There are a couple of chapters that concentrate on people giving themselves ‘self gratification’ in very graphic detail, if you’ve managed to get this far you probably need a good wank anyway.

My English teacher once said to me, ‘Don’t read Stephen King as he doesn’t write proper books’, I think my response was ‘I don’t read Stephen King because he is shit’. If you want to read a good book forget early nineteenth century bollocks, go read Harper Lee’s ‘To kill a mocking bird’ or Steinbeck’s ‘Of mice and men’. These are classic books written by people who aren’t up their own arse.

This morning started how I quite like to start Saturday mornings, with sleep. It was then followed by a bit more sleep, breakfast, coffee, vitamins and Fluoxetine.

Got up and walked the dog. There was a dog running about that wasn’t on a lead, Sasha got a bit over excited and started chasing it and basically walked over it. I pulled her back and apologised that she just wanted to play. The women moaned ‘oh really, I’ll her on a lead then she they won’t’. Jesus, there’s someone who needs HRT, miserable bitch. Mind you I can hardly complain about being moody. My mood swings more often than the Plimsoll bridge. Further down the path we met a lovely Welsh women with I think it was a ‘chow chow’. Medium sized dog with the most amazing afro. It was also apparently a moody shit, so would have got on fine with me. We were talking for about ten minutes.

Came back, had lunch. Went and met bum boy at Tesco’s and did the shopping. Also went to Pet’s R’Us and got Sasha a new bed for her box, we also got her a basket style one which she will probably eat. We also stocked up on Pig trotters, Jamie has some odd eating habits.

I walked into town, failed to buy anything, it’s cheaper that way. Visited mother, she’s still alive. Updated her virus software. Came back home and did the accounts. Pizza dough is currently in the bread maker. Jamie is currently in the bath, which is where I want to be. I would join him but Archimedes was pretty spot on and we’d only need an egg-cup of water. Mind you last time we were in the bath together he kept moaning about every time I peed in it.

More DIY tomorrow, only 1059 Sunday’s left.

Rudely awaken this morning by yet another courier. This time a box for Jamie. It contained four ponies. To be exact four ‘My Little Pony’s’. They were shipped from the US. Looking at the invoice, the shipping costs and the import duty they cost thirty five quid each. That’s a lot for a pony.

Spent the morning discussing a database task with a work colleague. It took about two hours to explain something that turns out to be quite simple, yet is being implemented in probably the most complex way I can think of. It’s not my department so I’m just getting on with it without complaining, I’m sure there are lots of other reasons why it’s being done this particular way and I’m just being dense.

Tried to get a doctors appointment, rang at 8:45, apparently all the appointments were gone for the day. I should have said, “Well I’ll just fucking die then.”, I didn’t. I said I’d call back tomorrow.

Went for a run. Did some more Japanese. Only eleven working days left until we go.

It’s torture porn night, Twilight Breaking Dawn Pt.1 tonight, bring on those abs.

Well at least I slept last night, may have been partially wine induced. I felt somewhat itchy, which means either the dog has fleas or my balls need shaving again.

This mornings work started with one of the chaps commenting on my wing implementation, saying it could be replaced with a normal surface. Which in theory is probably correct, I can see how it would work. If you have an angled plane and then blast air at it, it would produce some sort of down force and some sort of drag. The problem is it isn’t any where near correct. Now, there was a fault in my equation and also an issue with it not working backwards. So, here goes the explanation. Let’s start with energy equals half mass multiplied by velocity squared. Note the velocity squared here, that’s important. So what’s mass? Well that will be the area of the object multiplied by a length multiplied by a density. So we end up with energy equals half area multiplied by length multiplied by density. If we assume length is actually a distance then that energy equation can then be rearranged (energy equals force times distance) to force equals half area multiplied by density multiplied by velocity squared. So area is straight forward, you then also multiply by the attack angle in radians and a coefficient as you don’t want all the possible down force applied. The drag equation is the same except you use a drag coefficient. Also remember the squared thing? Well a negative multiplied by a negative will give a positive, so you have to reverse the sign of the velocity squared if you go backwards so you still get a drag, but you will get an up force rather than a down force. So in the end, I was right.

Now the cleaners. Okay they came yesterday, stayed for just over an hour. Missed out half the house and did a fairly piss poor job. They also broke part of the dish washer by jamming a giant baking tray in it and chucked all the rubbish bags into the wrong bin. So I sent him an email yesterday to which I haven’t had a reply. So may be if I don’t pay them any money they may get the message, or they can just fuck off.

I ordered a drill bit from Amazon, three quid. It arrived by courier in a box big enough to hide half a dozen Albanians. Must do wonders for the packaging industry.

At work in October I ordered a new fibre line. Now this isn’t ADSL or any of your Virgin Media crap, this is many thousands of pounds worth of direct fibre connection to a huge back bone. Now we already have one fibre in the office, this works fine. This new one is supplied by the same company, well actually it’s the same managing company the line itself is being provided by another company. So OpenReach come in and actually do their job properly. They install the fibre and a device known as an NTE, which is basically a termination unit. Weeks later a Cisco router turns up at the office. It’s the size of a small car. I get it sent back and replaced with a 1U version. This I get installed into the network cabinet. Problem, the NTE terminates in a twin fibre connection. The router doesn’t have any fibre inputs. After many emails they say just connect the NTE network port to port one of the router. We do this. Nothing happens. Many more emails later. They finally send an engineer and a large box of bits. Engineer arrives and goes away again, he decides he needs more bits. More bits arrive. Engineer returns and inserts bits. Router now apparently works. I get an email saying that I need to connect my network to port one of the Cisco which is a 100Mbps port. Now, we are paying for a 200Mbps connection. I’d be impressed to see how I can get 200Mbps from a 100Mbps port. I’ve tried to communicate this to them, I’m thinking of putting them in touch with my (soon to be ex.) cleaners.

It’s torture porn night. May be some Twilight. Then see who can piss me off tomorrow.

So started back on the math of yesterdays work. Soon moved on to a second lot, still quite interesting stuff, can’t say any more.

It was Jamie’s day off. I asked him to empty the dishwasher at 9am. It’s now 11:30pm, still hasn’t been looked at.

I walked the dog, went to the gym. Came back, still no dishwasher action. Before I went to the gym I asked him to feed the dog, she’s now walking around hungry.

I’m sat here wondering why the lounge is covered in LED balloons. Their packet is dumped on the cutting board in the kitchen. On top the lizard tank is a cup cake wrapper that’s been their a couple of days, there’s a cup on the table that’s only done a day though. The box the cup cakes were in was emptied yesterday and is now still sat on top of the cooker. There are also a variety of discarded plastic bags and various contents spread across the kitchen. The lights in the lounge have all been moved around and dumped. There’s still a giant pile of clothes in the bedroom. I live with a complete slob who appears to have little in the way of respect for me or the house. I’m no longer going to feed or walk the dog, that’s now Jamie’s responsibility. Which means she will probably die. Which is a shame as I quite liked that dog. I’m going to bed.

So back to work today. Started off rather early though with Sasha going back to doggy daycare. She got all excited when I got up for a pee at 4am, she had to wait until 6:30. Back in bed by 7am. I didn’t start work until about mid morning, didn’t sleep well last night.

Lunch time came along so I went for a full hour’s cross-country run through lots of sticky mud. It was great fun, a light drizzle, enough to keep you cool. Came back and ate snack size sausage rolls. I think I’m going to be eating left over crap for the next couple of weeks.

Got heavily into work, it’s very math based at the moment and still all proof of concept, nothing to look at here, move along.

Then the phone started ringing….It was Holly Hedge, that was fine, home check for a couple of cats. Then it rang again, it was my mother, not on a work day please. Didn’t answer. Five minutes later, rang again. Then she rang my mobile, then she rang it again and left a message. I listened to the message, apparently her laptop didn’t boot and it’s come up with a message. Then she sent me a text message “urgent, phone me”. There is a thing called ‘cry wolf’ and unfortunately she’s done it far, far too many times. You don’t phone me four times in a row and send me ‘urgent’ text messages during the working day just because you’re laptop didn’t boot the first time. You don’t leave me two messages at 8am because your curtain rail has come off the wall. One day you’re gonna fall down the steps or have an accident and you won’t be able to get hold of anyone because your definition of ‘urgent’ isn’t the same as anyone elses. I picked the dog up.

I carried on with work and finished mid evening. Didn’t need to go to the gym due to the running earlier. Watched some more Christmas TV, I’ve got more of that than crap food to get through.

So the day started with trying to finish off a film I’d been watching all week but has now been removed by LoveFilm. Cheers guys, it was just getting to all the fun rapey scenes as well. Ended up watching some teen dram film thing after some fairly mediocre sex.

Got up and did the first job of the day which quite honestly now I can’t remember what it was, oh yes, sorting out some laptops. Did one. Had lunch. Walked the dog. Did the other. Then fiddled with the heating again, something is definitely screwed wiring wise or the 3 port is buggered as if the heating on the timer is off the boiler still kicks in if the room stat triggers. So tried balancing everything again with the lower pump speed, gave up when the house reached the temperature of the Sahara. I’ve now opened all the lockshields and have a flow drop of about 10 degrees, I think to be honest that’s about as good as I’m going to get, I may try it on it’s lowest speed, but I do want to avoid any pipe banging, plus there’s also the issue of boiler over heat if it can’t get shot of it fast enough. Anyway, something to play about with next week.

Oh, stomach seems pretty much back to normal today. Ass is still a little gassy. So bath and some wine I think.

Oh the Yankee Candle’s factory across the road, it’s fire alarm has been going non stop since Friday lunchtime, it’s now Sunday evening. I tried calling the police, who were as usual a complete waste of fucking time, it’s apparently the councils problem, considering all the run ins I’ve had with them in the past I’ll already rule them out as a complete waste of fucking time. So I found the number of the letting agents and left them a nice answer phone message for Monday morning. I am, not one, to piss off. Bath time.