Woke up this morning and had the weirdest dream. It involved a very distant relative. Probably the less I think about it the better. This mornings work was tracing some missing GUI stuff, it was found, it wasn’t my fault which makes a change. Walked both dogs, had to drag Dillon out from under the bed again. This afternoon was all about normal maps. The actual thing I wanted to do worked fine. Trying to get the texture converters to produce it though was a total pain in the ass. Walked to the gym, did Pump, walked home, did more work. Doing far too much work this week, lots to be done really.

I must admit that I sent pretty much all days staring at bloody clouds. Looking for a lighting glitch that I couldn’t make happen. I did find another cloud bug though causing them to vanish completely. Sorted that one at least. Walked both dogs, Sasha was fine, Dillon I had to pull out from under the bed, he doesn’t like his Halti collar, if he walked fine on a harness he wouldn’t have to wear it. Oddly when he has it on and the lead attached he enjoys his walk. Went out for a nine mile run, think I have my winter running route worked out now. Did more work. Cleaned the kitchen as Jamie didn’t. Tomorrow I’m not looking at clouds.

So started pretty much bang on 9AM. Did an hour or so before we picked up the dogs. They were very pleased to see us. It’s odd that they pulled like hell when I dropped them off to get to the place and now they pulled like hell trying to get back to the car. Got back on with work, which today was mostly catching up and bug fixing. Walked both dogs. More work. Then walked to gym and did Combat. My legs have been aching all today. Walked home. Was planning on doing about an hours work, ended up doing two. So clocking up overtime again already. I’ve been invited to the Sony 20th anniversary party, but it’s on a Tuesday and I have to sort and pay for it all, it’s the day after Jamie’s birthday, so it’s all a bit of a pain. Who has a bloody party in London on a Tuesday?

So this morning started off with a 7AM alarm. No problem with that, snoozed in until 8:10 and then walked down to my usual restaurant for lunch. By eggs and coffee arrived without me uttering a word. Then I admired the rain. Yep, it had started pissing down. Looking at the weather forecast next week it really wasn’t great, boy had we been lucky with the weather. Put it this way, there are heavy storms until next Friday there. After breakfast I went for a bit of a stroll round. Did the last of the packing. Took everything to reception and paid my spas and private pavilion bill. Then we were approached by an automitron, or at least she looked dead behind the eyes, but she was was from guest relations, it obviously flagged up when we checked out that ‘people with too much money are going’ (and to be fair, its correct, if you are in a junior suite or above, you get treated like a God, as well as the free room service). She asked if there was anything they could improve on. We couldn’t think of anything at the time but manage to come up with a list of stuff in the car on the way home which I’ll email to her.

Transfer was fine, although airport confused us now as it has two international terminals. Checkin was fine, we were waiting around for about two hours though. Boarded plane. This was fine, until I was rather rudely interrupted by a guy who wanted us to shunt over so he could get is wife in the aisle. I just said a blunt, ‘no, I’ve paid for that aisle seat’. Jamie said I was very rude, but fuck it, I did pay for it in advance, if he couldn’t be arsed to sort out and prebook everything I wasn’t going to accommodate him. Was he going to refund me? In the end he sat by the window and was a fine bloke. But I have a point, so I don’t really care what the fuck you are thinking. Flight was fine, seemed quite short. Lots of turbulence, I couldn’t really care as I was reading a book about plane crashes anyway.

In baggage reclaim after the flight there was an announcement at the belt which wasn’t very clear saying that baggage wouldn’t start until about 4-5 minutes, or it could have been 45 minutes. There was a very posh woman there who then started to have a bit of a crises. If she was that posh, she wouldn’t have flown Monarch.

Drive home was uneventful, if full off traffic. Within half-hour of arriving home I’d unpacked, within one hour I was in the bath. Back to work tomorrow.

So this morning we’d ordered the ‘room service breakfast’. Now, considering the menu was harder to decrypyt than Engima we ended up with two boiled eggs as required and also somehow no less than three boody omelettes. Plus orange juice, coffee, some weird cheese platters and a shit load of bread. I think they decided that these guys don’t have a bloody clue what they are ordering so just give them everything. We ate bits of it anyway. The egges were far too over done. After changing into something more inappropriate we headed to the usual pool. We’ve done alright there and managed to secure the exact same spot all week. I then went off to the mornings air gun. I’m actually getting quite good at it now. Then retired back to the pool. A flick through a magazine later and then it was time for lunch. After lunch I went round with the camera and took a load of photos. Then it was time for the final round of air gun. To say, it had kind of built up to a mini-family. It was great fun with really nice people. Went back to the pool. We milked it a bit until the light was fading. Then I put some music on and started packing. Tonight we ate at the Turkish restaurant. Oddly I met family air-gun there as well. The meal was very nice. We went to the pool bar afterwards as there was Karaoke and miss air-gun was singing. I dd say I’d do duet with her, but thankfully they killed it all early before killing all the guests. She went to bed. I did think of adding her to FaceBook, but thinking about it, I probably just like to keep the memory. These are people I met at a certain time in my life and had fun with, it’s a very short but enjoyable chapter, that chapter is now closed. I will always have fond memories, but thats how they will remain, just as memories, which will fade over time, but I’ll always have a soft spot for. We eventually arrived here at the lobby bar, where we have ended every night. And now it’s where we end the holiday. It’s been fun. No regrets. Other than the eight pounds in weight I have gained. Bye bye Turkey, I will miss you. You provide no end of sunshine and free beer. Your people are jolly and courteous. We always feel welcome, even if we are not exactly your ideal clientell. We will be back. I thank you once again for your hospitality.

So this morning I did have a bit of a lie in. After being just completely knackered yesterday. I think actually it was the ‘missing night’ finally catching up with me. As remember we left home last Sunday morning and we had no sleep at all Saturday night, plus we went forward two hours. Okay, so we’ve been sat around on our arse a lot, but time waits for no man, or even no Mann. So got up at about 10:30, I waddled down to my usual breakfast haunt, it was closed. I was either too late or indeed it was closed for the day. So I ended up in the main restaurant which was painful. It was a full five minutes before my coffee turned up and the eggs were awful. Went back up and made sure Jamie was still alive and then went straight to air rifle. I must admit, it was an absolute great laugh as normal. The Netherlands crew turned up as normal, plus we were joined by a large group of Indians. These guys had an amazing attitude, the Norwegian guy thought they were from India, they were from Bradford, but they had no beef, the chap said yeah was Indian, but the first time he’d visited it was when he was 28. They were a real good crack, plus he got his wife to shoot as well, we all actualy had a really good laugh. Went back to the suunbeds where Jamie had finally rested his carcus. I’m still reading my ‘radio telephony’ book, as I have an exam to pass. Went to the usual restaurant and had the sea bass. Spent a couple more hours just listening to music and reading a book and then went for the afternoons session of air rifle. On the way back Jamie was already hanging out over the balcony. So went to the room, had a couple of beers and did some reading. I’m all done with running. I’ve been bitten to buggery and my legs have literally siezed up with poison. We had the BBQ restuarant tonight. Now all week we have eaton in pretty much top end restuarants with waiter service. Tonight we turned up and were served our wine. We were then told, ‘This is a self service restaurant’. We pretty much knew this anyway. But I’m paying like 350 quid a day so that I can BBQ my owen bloody burgers. Still it was good fun I guess. We quickly darted to the room and picked up cameras and stuff. I wanted to see tonights ‘show’ it was billed as ‘extreme sports’. I was expecting skateboards, BMX, all sorts of shit. What I got was two actually very good trials bike riders and a mediocre inline skater together with a whole host of Russian dancers. The show lasted 40 minutes, but seemed to repeat itself every ten and the end credits were longer than the rest of it put together. Still it was the first show we’ve seen this week and was okay I guess. We then went to our favourite bar had a couple of bevvies. Then went to the pool bar. There was a live band. I said to Jamie that the way the music was going, it wouldn’t be long before they hit ‘West Virginia’, and sure enough it was the next song. We eventually retired to the lobby bar, mainly as its the only place I can get a WiFi signal. Tonight we visit the ‘night club’, as after all, tonight, God is a DJ.

Today was a bit of an odd one as I was feeling quite social. I actually woke up quite lawte for a holiday. It was about 9:30AM. I walked down to my usual breakfast location, before my arse had hit the seat my coffee was being poured. I didn’t say a word and five minutes later my boiled eggs arrived. I then venured out beyond the hotel boundary. With my GPS. To a Geocache, which sadly wasnt there. Normally I wouldn’t be geographically wooried and I’d venture out for miles, but lets face it, these are not great times, not times to venture out on your own to beyond caves and such explorations. So I walked back to the hotel somewhat defeated. I packed up my bag (bum boy was still in the land of nod) and headed down to the residence pool. I set the towels down and then ventured out for my first social activity of the day. It was the air gun. Now, lets face it. I’m British. I’m not a drug dealer. I don’t know a great deal about guns. We had six shots, first was a practice, the next five scored. First four shots were nowhere to be found. There was an entire family of Scandinavians there. From Grandma Elizitbeth, to grand daughter. They were all fucking snipers. I mean grandma, was an absolute crack shot. She was moaning that the sight was slightly too high. My ass was severely whipped by a Danish octogenarian. And what the fuck is it with them and language as well? She was talking to me in English. Another man in German and to her family in Danish. All without battering an eyelid, easily slipping between one language and the next. I did find exactly the same thing on the few occasions I’d visited Amsterdam, they can just fick langauge ‘just like that’, and it’s perfectly natural to them. They were chatting about how Amsterdam is becoming more and more deserted, everyone is leaving. This ladies nearest neighbour was 25Km away. After being decimated at air gun I went back to Jamie and we had lunch. I avoided the sea bass today and had a very nice spaghetti bolognaise. Afterwards it was time for archary. Now I’m not bad at this. I met up with a young guy called ‘Philip’ who I’d quite happily bang. Anyway, I came second. I’m a pretty good shot with a bow and arrow. A quick dive back to Jamie and stocked up on beer. Then it was time for air gun again. I thought my luck was in, the first four shots all scored, and then Elizebeth turned up. Actually at the end of play the whole thing was won by a rather nondescript English guy called ‘Ian’. Still it was very social and good fun. I sat down for about half hour and felt completely knackered. We went back to the room. I changed into running kit. But I could only manage one lap. I tell you, all this hanging around is just absolutely knackering. I just lied on the bed, Jamie played with my hair and eventually we tossed each other off, such is the excitement of the day. Had a shower. Then we ate at the same restaurant that serves me my morning eggs. It had somewhat transformed though. I had some sort of swordfish, followed by fajitas, followed by cheesecake. I tipped, I enjoyed the food. I will go into the whole enconomics of the holiday on the last day, it’s actually quite interesting. What I am finding more and more though is people from Manchester moaning. “Oh, I’ve been here ten times now and never had an upgrade, I always end up in the main building facing the air-conditioning plant and always have to change rooms.” Now. If you hadn’t booked by Thomas Cooke using the cheapeast possible option, you wouldn’t have had this problem. Sorry, you get what youu pay for, and I pay a shit load to make sure I don’t have ‘any issues’. And thankfully I do not get ‘any issues’. I have a suite that overlooks the sea. We stripped back to vests and shorts. The reason being that at midday here it’s 35C. In the evening it’s 28C. That’s ain’t much of a drop to be honest. We went to the Yasmine bar, same little man been there all week. We just sat down at a bench, he came over and took our order. When it was delivered I gave him the ‘cash handshake’, which I think I’ve explained before. The only problem there is the WiFi is shite. We had a couple of bevvies and ventured back to the lobby bar. Call me a lightweight, but it’s 11:45 and I’m pretty much done. I’ve had four Long Island Ice Tea’s, and here they just don’t own a ‘1/16 gill’ measure. Come to Turkey folks, you’ll have a great time.

So this morning actually started at a rather bizarre time. Okay, it was actuually about 6:15AM. I got up, arranged my hair, washed the shite out of my eyes. Put on something that wasn’t speedo’s and descended to the outside breakfast bar thing. It was a clear fifteen minutes before the place opened. The chef was still by the pool having a fag. But after I’d placed my fat arse, a vat of black coffee arrived and five minutes later, so did two boiled eggs. One cannot complain. Now today was a bit special, I’d shelled out seventy Euro for a private ‘Pavilion’. So we went there at about 11Am. We were served with a multitide of pastries and beer. Basically we stayed here all day. We were waited on hand and foot. Served beer, some sparkling wine thing. Then lunchtime they served us with a rather confusing menu. We ended up picking four mains. We ate the lot. With more sparkling wine. God, I felt I put on weight just sitting there. At about 6PM I’d had enough. We sauntered back to the room, I changed into my running kit, which by now was looking a little worse for wear around the neck line as it was only being washed in the shower, and did a 10K. Got back to the room, had a bit of a bowel back end blockage issue and then changed for dinner. Tonight we were in the Italian, which meant I had the sea bass. The maitreD was very nice, so on exit we had the ‘cash handshake’. We retired to the room to change into a chav like vest. In the lift on the way down we met a couple who said, ‘Where are you going at this time?’, It was 10PM. We said we were going to a bar. Some people like to go to bed at 10PM. We went to the field cocktail bar thing, had a couple. Then returned to the lobby bar where we are now. Tomorrow, I will have eggs. I plan on venturing outside the hotel though and grabbing a geocache. I also plan on doing a couple of activities, maybe archery and pistol shooting, it will involve Germans, that will make it interesting. We are now over halfway through, and so far I’ve only put on a kilo. Not too bad.

I don’t know what it is about holidays but I was upp like a shot at 6:45. I hung around a bit but was soon eager to venture out. I was at my desired breakfast restaurant at 7:15, actually fifteen minutes before it officially opened. However, without a muttering of speech, my black coffee was being poured. Two minutes later after the chef was kicked into life I got, “Two boiled eggs, 5 minutes?”. A quick nod was all that was needed. I appreciate that service, its the kind of thing that at the end of the week when I’m handing out my collection of Euro I remember. I made it to the ‘restaurant reservation machine’ at 8:15. Now these are magical machines. As I’ve paid an absolute fucking fortune for my room I do get one privilage (actually I get several, but this is a good one), at 8:31 I can book a restaurant two days in advance. Now this hotel has eight restaurants, some are closed on certain days. Normal plebs can only book one day in advance. At 8:31 I got my booking in. And I tell you the restaurants here are fab. On our first night we ate at the buffet restaurant, which was okay but nothing special. Last night we ate at ‘Sofa’, which was a really ‘high end’ fine dining restaurant, the sort of place that served ‘Turkish Ravioli’, but you only got four chunks of it. The maitre-d there was top end. Everyone when they walked out gave the ‘shake tip’. This is the hand gesture of shaking the hand while passing the cash. Now being in a fucking expensive all-inclusive hotel of course I had no cash on me. So made a bit of a ‘I’m going for a fag’ excuse and quickly buggered off to the room. There I found I only had twenty Euro notes (look I never change the money back, I always have a stack of Euro). So had to divert to the reception to get some change. Then eventually made it back. The tip ‘hand-shake’ took place and everyone was happy. He made an effort, I like that. So anyway, today after eggs I had my usual little wonder for a couple of hours. The beach here is simply sublime, you have to do a bit of a battle with security to say that ‘yes, I am going to walk two miles that way and then two miles back’, but once they work out that a) your English, and b) you’re therefore probably mad, you can get away with it. I went back to the room and picked up bum-boy. Once again we settled by the ‘residence pool’. Actually looking at the room we had last time, I sure it was bigger when we had it before. Oddly the room we have now is double the size it used to be, markedly by the fact you can see where the other doorway was. But these rooms looked smaller. To be honest I think the room we have now is probably only one of four in the entire hotel that has a completely full on flat sea view. There are some outrageously expensive penthouse suites you can get in the main building, but what we have is pretty much the top end. Put it this way, when I do my run in the evening, the ‘return leg’ goes via the ‘unpopular end of the galaxy’ and there are some really shit rooms there above the air conditioning plant and the sewage works. Anyway, enough oppulants. We laid our towels down and whiled away the hours reading books and listening to music. We had lunch at the restaurant right next to us. I couldn’t resist the sea bass yet again. Come on. This is lunch, they served an entire, beautifully cooked sea bass. For fucking lunch. And it didn’t cost a bean. I’d have to pay serious money for that at home. This is fucking lunch. we retired to the sunbeds. I read more Kindle. At about 6PM we packed up and went for a little wander. We visted both the ‘Cat house’, which is great. They have a massive shelter for stray cats. They neuter them all and feed them. It’s all very charitable, it’s nice. They also have a ‘dog house’ which has couple of lovely Lab’s in. We went back to the room. Jamie mounted hinself on the bed. I changed into a vest and running shorts. I then knocked out a 10Km run. Look. You’ve just spent the best part of 12 hours lieing on your ass, doing fuck all. What’s going to happen now? You could spend the next hour drinking and eating commplete crap. But what’s the point? I can quite happily go out and bang out a 10K. Come back, have a shower (for info, I put the vest and the shorts in the shower with me, the heat here means it’s dry by tomorrow). Came back, after a pretty appalling time to be honest. Had shower and then dressed for dinner. This holiday I said we would make a serious effort to look good. We had the baggage allowence with the airline, so I packed an absolute shit load of clothes. Tonight we were eating at the ‘Asian’, so noyt exactly ‘high class’. So I went for coloured jeans (green) and short sleeved shirt, with dress shoes. We looked golden. Food actually was very nice. This hotel has the best restuarants of any all-inclusive we have ever been in. Service, was, abrupt. Nothing wrong with it, but I didn’t feel the need to grab that five Euro in my pocket. I had the spicy fish, which to be honest wasn’t that spicy. We had a lot of Rose wine, which Jamie seemed to get rapidly pissed on. Made it back to the room, where we changed again. I went for a vest and sorts. Sorry, but fuck you all. I’ve worked fucking hard, running hundreds of miles, lifting shit loads of weights. And I’m quite happy to say, that with a bit of a tan, I’m fucking happy with what I’ve got. I actually look ‘okay’. I’m proud of my body at forty-three. I’ve worked fucking hard. So yes I’m going to take some photos. Fuck it. We went to the cocktail bar which is in the middle of a field. The WiFi there was fucking terrible. Eventually we made it back to the lobby bar. I’m back on ‘Long Island Ice Tea’. It’s very quiet here. So tomorrow we have booked a private ‘Pavilion’, right on the beach, so that will be fun. We have the Italian booked for the evening. This place is a bit strange, but if I were to rate all the Turkey hotels, this one would easily be No. 1.

So this morning started disgustingly early. I mean 7AM. Far, far too early. So the quest started for coffee. I started at the restaurant we ate lunch at yesterday, coffee was from a grotty machine. However the waiter did ask how I wanted my eggs. I went for boiled, specified the time, and they were pefect. I had nothing else for breakfast. I continued my quest for the finest coffee. In the end I ended up at the lobby bar, they had a gleaming coffee machine. I pointed. The man said, ‘Finest coffee in hotel’. He poured. I was satisified. I was hanging around the restaurant booking mahines until 8:30, in fact it was 8:31 before I could book the next days restaurant. We are doing okay on that front. We eventually descended down to the residence pool at about 11AM. No problem getting some sun beds. Pretty much as soon as we were settled the spa salesman came around. I had already planned to get a treatment before the man had arrived, so this was well timed. Jamie was not keen in the slightist. I booked us both in for a Turkish bath and bronze massage, as this is the best way to start a tanning holiday. We sat for a couple of hours before the spa session. I was in a pair of speedos, I had the woman, Jamie had the fairly fit bloke. I was endanger of getting a hard-on but managed to keep it down after thinking of my mother naked. The Turkish bath was great, the massage was great. Jamie actually enjoyed it so much he said we should get another one at the end of the week. Cunt. Retired to lunch. And fuck me, what a lunch. I ordered the sea bass. Now, remember this is lunch, at an all inclusive. The fish arrrived, and by fish, I mean the fish arrived complete, with a single potato and something that resembled a thimble of salad. It was sublime. That would have cost me about twenty quid at home. This was fucking lunch. We retired back to the sun beds. I’ve finally fallen in love with an iPhone again. It plays music, it has face book, it’s the size of a phone, rather than the size of a large book. Anyway, I read Jeremy Clarkson and listened to Chasing Status. At 6PM I had a meeting with a rep who wanted to sell me something I wasn’t interested in. Thankfully, whoever didn’t turn up, not that I made great effort to find them. I had another nice coffee instead. Went back to the room. Changed into my running shorts. Okay, I’m on holiday. But I don’t want to be a lazy shit. There is a nice 1600M running track around the outskirts of the hotel. I did a rather slow 10K. There was little wind and the temperature was great. It took under an hour. It was nice actually. Allowed me to build up a bit of an appitite. We ate at ‘Sofa’ which was one of the new resturants here. Quite a small place. Fine dining. We dressed up to the nines for the occasion, which I must admit was quite fun. The meal was extremely high quality, even if a little lacking in substance. Now. This is a the point I had a bit of a dilemma. The matrie D here was very good (apologise for the SP there, the spell checker on this iPad with this keypad is bloody useless). Everyone who left was shaking hands with the guy and slipping him some Euro. I dived off to the room and grabbed some cash. Now I’m pretty poor so I went to reception and got some change. Made it back to the restaurant and had coffee. On leaving I shook hands and passed five Euro. Okay, not a great amount, but it seemed to be the correct thing to do. He made sure our glasses were full and our meal was served correctly. Lets put this in perspective. If I had been to a top end restaurant and eaton what we had, I would have had bugger all change from a ton. Afterwards we went back to the room and changed into something less formal. I went for a T-shirt and shorts. We then went to the cocktail bar in the middle of a field in the ass end of nowhere, where after a couple of rounds, the third round appeared by magic. Afterwards we retired to the lobby bar to yet more cocktails. I feel some food coming on. Afterall, the dinner was nice, but to be honest I could have got the contents in a sandwich with room to spare.