Tarantula

Today was a bit of an odd one as I was feeling quite social. I actually woke up quite lawte for a holiday. It was about 9:30AM. I walked down to my usual breakfast location, before my arse had hit the seat my coffee was being poured. I didn’t say a word and five minutes later my boiled eggs arrived. I then venured out beyond the hotel boundary. With my GPS. To a Geocache, which sadly wasnt there. Normally I wouldn’t be geographically wooried and I’d venture out for miles, but lets face it, these are not great times, not times to venture out on your own to beyond caves and such explorations. So I walked back to the hotel somewhat defeated. I packed up my bag (bum boy was still in the land of nod) and headed down to the residence pool. I set the towels down and then ventured out for my first social activity of the day. It was the air gun. Now, lets face it. I’m British. I’m not a drug dealer. I don’t know a great deal about guns. We had six shots, first was a practice, the next five scored. First four shots were nowhere to be found. There was an entire family of Scandinavians there. From Grandma Elizitbeth, to grand daughter. They were all fucking snipers. I mean grandma, was an absolute crack shot. She was moaning that the sight was slightly too high. My ass was severely whipped by a Danish octogenarian. And what the fuck is it with them and language as well? She was talking to me in English. Another man in German and to her family in Danish. All without battering an eyelid, easily slipping between one language and the next. I did find exactly the same thing on the few occasions I’d visited Amsterdam, they can just fick langauge ‘just like that’, and it’s perfectly natural to them. They were chatting about how Amsterdam is becoming more and more deserted, everyone is leaving. This ladies nearest neighbour was 25Km away. After being decimated at air gun I went back to Jamie and we had lunch. I avoided the sea bass today and had a very nice spaghetti bolognaise. Afterwards it was time for archary. Now I’m not bad at this. I met up with a young guy called ‘Philip’ who I’d quite happily bang. Anyway, I came second. I’m a pretty good shot with a bow and arrow. A quick dive back to Jamie and stocked up on beer. Then it was time for air gun again. I thought my luck was in, the first four shots all scored, and then Elizebeth turned up. Actually at the end of play the whole thing was won by a rather nondescript English guy called ‘Ian’. Still it was very social and good fun. I sat down for about half hour and felt completely knackered. We went back to the room. I changed into running kit. But I could only manage one lap. I tell you, all this hanging around is just absolutely knackering. I just lied on the bed, Jamie played with my hair and eventually we tossed each other off, such is the excitement of the day. Had a shower. Then we ate at the same restaurant that serves me my morning eggs. It had somewhat transformed though. I had some sort of swordfish, followed by fajitas, followed by cheesecake. I tipped, I enjoyed the food. I will go into the whole enconomics of the holiday on the last day, it’s actually quite interesting. What I am finding more and more though is people from Manchester moaning. “Oh, I’ve been here ten times now and never had an upgrade, I always end up in the main building facing the air-conditioning plant and always have to change rooms.” Now. If you hadn’t booked by Thomas Cooke using the cheapeast possible option, you wouldn’t have had this problem. Sorry, you get what youu pay for, and I pay a shit load to make sure I don’t have ‘any issues’. And thankfully I do not get ‘any issues’. I have a suite that overlooks the sea. We stripped back to vests and shorts. The reason being that at midday here it’s 35C. In the evening it’s 28C. That’s ain’t much of a drop to be honest. We went to the Yasmine bar, same little man been there all week. We just sat down at a bench, he came over and took our order. When it was delivered I gave him the ‘cash handshake’, which I think I’ve explained before. The only problem there is the WiFi is shite. We had a couple of bevvies and ventured back to the lobby bar. Call me a lightweight, but it’s 11:45 and I’m pretty much done. I’ve had four Long Island Ice Tea’s, and here they just don’t own a ‘1/16 gill’ measure. Come to Turkey folks, you’ll have a great time.

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