I received an invitation to apply to Glyndebourne as they had heard of my musical talents. I duly arrived and found myself in a gymnasium. We were all in teams of two, I spent most of the time staring at a student in front of me, wearing what can only be described as a wrestling singlet with his balls trying to escape from it. We did some running around between cones, which seemed somewhat odd for an opera house. Anyway, then from above us descended some giant square tunnel like structures. Jake, the guy who I was with went first. He was told to follow what the student with the large balls was doing. So in he got, the tunnel the raised to the ceiling again. There were two treadmills inside it, one at the front with bursting balls and then Jake some meters behind. The treadmills started up and they got going, then shortly the whole tunnel rotated ninety degrees, they were now running sideways. Then it rotated again and now they were running upside down. Eventually it rotated the right way up again and the tunnel came back to my level. It was now my turn. I thought, ‘bugger that’ and left. It was now time for the main interview. I was sat at a table with three pretentious people who all looked down their noses at me. I was asked three questions, I can only remember one of them, ‘How do you end a symphony?’. I thought and just said ‘Well, you just stop it.’ She gave a cackle and then explained that a symphony should consist of at least three parts and you couldn’t ‘just end it.’ I left. I guess my opera singing days are over.

Spent all day comparing the output between one system and another, it was very long winded, very dull. Walked the dogs. Went to Combat, no Sarah as she has ebola. This meant with the five people there I had the whole of the mirror to myself to admire my arms in. Came back and was due to do a maximum of half an hour. Hour and a half later I’d finished. I did want to do something this evening but just ended up watching the tele by the time I’d finished. Off to bed, then the same again tomorrow I expect.

So yesterday started with coffee and cereal. Read the papers, Jamie went off to work, I drove up to Staverton. Captain James was already out with someone else, I was feeling somewhat nervous for some reason, actually I know the reason, I was actually genuinely scared that I was going to kill myself just before Christmas. James announced that the conditions were perfect and I was going to do almost an hour by myself in my final supervised solo. I prepared the aircraft, fixed up the camera and went through the checklist. I’m now allowed to start up the aircraft by myself after completing my first solo, so I did. I was then joined by James. We taxied straight over to heli-north and the first circuit was over and done with in a matter of a few minutes. The only odd thing I had to contend with was a jet ranger sprayed in red which was pretending to be Santa’s sleigh. I then fired out about five circuits, they were all generally okay, some a bit quick, some a bit steep. My take-ups and landings were ‘variable’ to say the least, I probably wasn’t in the best frame of mind for these. It’s a bit odd though. There you are floating in the air at about 700 feet, it’s almost silent when the radio isn’t on (I’m wearing 800 quids worth of Bose noise cancelling headphones, which I think is absolutely essential). The R22 is the smallest aircraft you can get unless you are into microlights or jetpacks. It’s tiny. It’s very nimble. It’s primary purpose is to kill you. Now here’s the fun thing, I read all these accident reports on R22’s and it has an horrendous record on safety, put it this way, you have more chance of dying in an R22 which has it’s engine off parked on the tarmac than you have doing blindfolded frogger on the M4. But, here’s what I’ve found. Treat it with respect, and it will look after you. It’s quarter of a million pounds worth of high precision engineering. It may look like it’s made out of cheese and Lego, but really a hell of a lot of thought has gone into the design. It’s actually very forgiving. Some of my pickups and landings have been on the verge of very piss poor. I’ve hit the ground hard, I’ve lifted off at some very bizarre angles and rotations, yet it’s just ‘got on with it’ and hasn’t killed me yet. As captain James keeps telling me, it’s good that you are paranoid about certain things, this means you are thinking about them, the more you think about them, the less likely you are to have a problem. He keeps telling me that I’m actually quite a competent pilot, that my circuits are at about 90% level, which is fine. By the end of the course they will be at 97%. To get that last three percent will take about another 10,000 hours. So there you are at 700 feet, moving in three dimensions, which is a really bizarre concept in itself. You are as it’s said, ‘free as a bird’. It is a unique feeling, you are free. The R22 is fucking uncomfortable, when solo the centre of gravity is shifted, it really does your wrist in, the seat is bolt upright, this ain’t no Rolls Royce. So why am I doing it? Well it keeps my mind of work. When you are doing a precision approach to a disc which is no more than one meter across from half a mile away you are not thinking about grass or rendering. I’m looking forward to taking people up to experience the whole thing, my mother will be first. What will be her reaction? Well, she’ll not be too bothered by the whole flying thing, she’s a hundred and forty years old, the next major floating event she’ll be taking part in is to see God. No, she’ll be immensely proud, that something she fired out her vagina, even though she’s never been too bothered by it and always thought it was a bit of an inconvenience is a helicopter pilot. Now here’s by beef. It’s bullshit. I’m a firm believer that anyone with an ounce of sense and twenty grand to throw away could be a helicopter pilot. Why? Well it requires no artistic talent. If I wanted to I could be a brick layer, of God forbid and English teacher, but I don’t think either one requires anything more than training. I could never be a hair dresser, or a painter, that requires artistic talent, that I do not possess. Saying that I’be had great fun recently in doing music remixes, I have a little bit of a flare for that. After an hour of pissing about, I do come out grinning. Anyway, at the end of the less, I did a pickup, then slammed down the collective and we hit the deck like a sack of shit. James asked if everything was alright, after he had a minor interview with God about entering the gates of heaven. I said I thought I could feel a rotation. He said, no, there was nothing there. And looking back at the video footage there wasn’t. There was a bit of yawing to the left, but that’s perfectly harmless. You could make a helicopter light on the skids then jam the left peddle on fully, to will drill itself into the ground, but it won’t kill you. He warned me of ‘chasing ghosts’ and inventing situations that could get me into trouble that don’t actually exist. We have a bit of a break for a month now. I think that will be good, I can refocus and get back on it. I have no doubt that I probably need to close to another twenty circuits before they are completely nailed. But when you are flying by yourself, there really is nothing quite like it.

Drove back and walked the dogs. Loaded the fuel cans, drove to Toolstation and picked up some bits, then to B&Q and finally got fuel. Came back and started tidying up. Picked up Lisa and Andy. What happened next was the usual drunken debauchery, which involved Andy drinking his own bodyweight in white (although his own bodyweight isn’t actually that much) and Lisa downing a bottle of red. I stuck to the lager. I made a curry. Now I only make one dish really well, and that’s it. I could have put the bowls and dishes back in the cupboard afterwards as there wasn’t a trace of anything left on them. My food was seriously appreciated, which was nice. Anyway, the subject came round to new years eve. The most depressing night of the year for me. Lisa invited us over to her place, as she had her kids. I said I didn’t want to travel. So now what we’ve ended up with is Lisa, Andy, multiple children and now some of our Cuban friends descending on us for new years eve. This isn’t a problem, but I’ve only got two weeks notice. I did organise an entire wedding in three months so it should be possible. How is Sasha going to deal with children? Will I have to use the cage? Is it cruel to put someone else’s children in it? I’m sure it will be fine and a lot of fun. There will be Cuban food, this will be good. There will be Karaoke, this may not be so good. There will no doubt, be some serious sock dancing.

Anyway, today. Coffee, followed by more skimming and filling. I didn’t get as much done as planned as the skim and filler hasn’t completely hardened, so had to abandon it for the time being. It’s all pretty good though, so a session during the week I think will finish it off.

So today was all about, yes you’ve guessed it, grass. But thankfully at about 3PM I’d finished it. So stopped work and went for a run for an hour. Came back and walked the dogs. Then did a bit more work, was only supposed to do an hour, but ended up doing another four. Now basically very very tired. Going to have a shower, do Alan Sugar and then go to bed. Flying tomorrow, last one of the year. Then friends round in the evening.

Grass. I bloody hate the stuff. Four bloody days I’ve been on it now, with no doubt tomorrow as well. Still, it’s been chilly. Haven’t left the house today actually as it’s been pissing down. I was determined to finish work on time, so finished an hour and a half late. Decided to get Emily out. Spent about an hour sanding the bathroom ceiling. It’s pretty good now. Probably needs about another hour and a bit of touching up around the edges. Still have about a meter to skim though. Hopefully get that all sorted over the weekend. Jumped in the shower. Then finally put the serial number into Traktor Pro, which I bought over week ago. Had about half hour playing about remixing ‘Hereos’ which was actually good fun. Enjoyed playing round with a load of the effects, managed to do a few mixes of it fairly easily. It was good fun. Finally sat down. Then got up again and sorted out all wine. I have almost two hundred bottles. That should at least last me until new year. Torture porn night, actually got a horror tonight. I’m currently joined by both dogs, they must smell cheese.

Got up at 6:20, took Sasha to daycare. It was still dark when I got home. Got up at a reasonable time and started at 9:15. Cleaners arrived at some point, and well, cleaned. I carried on with grass. Picked up Sasha. More grass. Went to the gym and worked on my arms. Came back and did more grass. Finally sat down and had a play with a FCPX plug-in, which didn’t work as well as I hoped. Then I had a play with Garage Band for some reason. I wanted to get the riff from ‘Animals’ and finally after about half hour I worked it out….GGHJLHHGTD Tomorrow no doubt, I’ll be looking at bloody grass again.

So today started almost at 9AM. Well made it by quarter past. It was all about grass again, god it was pissing me off. Lunchtime I drove to the marble place and dropped off the template, it will be ready the middle of January. Finished work at about quarter to seven, feeling really tired, so had a coffee and then sat down at the iMac for a few hours. It was nice to do something a bit creative for once, even if it was yet another helicopter video. At least this one is to music, hope you enjoy it.

This morning started off early. I’ve set the alarm half hour earlier now in an effort to get up. I was working by 9:15. Tile man arrived first, spent about ten minutes driving this massive lorry backwards down the road. Don’t know why, he could have easily turned it round at the end. Opened the back of the lorry and it had two pallets of tiles in. The rest of the stuff didn’t arrive until later in the afternoon, but all looks good. Today I was looking into issues with grass, didn’t really get anywhere useful yet. Went to the gym and did Combat, it was a great opportunity to stare at my arms. Going for an early night tonight, need to study more about clouds.

So this morning started a bit later than planned. But it was difficult to get Jamie out of bed to bring me breakfast. After that I started sanding. Now after an hour I decided that this wasn’t really going to work. There is a limit to how much asbestos I want to breathe in. So I dug in the garage and found some skim plaster. Ran out fairly quickly, so off to B&Q. Came back, picked up the dog shit and filed the excess wine in the garage. Then spent the next five odd hours brushing skim plaster on to the uneven remains of the Artex. Ran out of skim. Anyway, with a bit of a sand I think it will be fine. Tidied up. Had a bath. Now about to make a curry.

Tomorrow the bathroom stuff is arriving. Need to get the template sorted tomorrow really.

Today I didn’t do any link time optimisation. Instead I looked at rain, well rain drops, and sorted a bug on that. Then I spent ages reducing the number of clouds in environment maps. Who says my life isn’t without these fascinating moments. Not much else happened really. It was very cold again. I went to the gym and did Pump, then spent well over an hour with Laverne doing free weights. We have now actually got to the biggest dumbbell, I’m now doing rows with 50Kg. She said that that was her wait. I said she could get on the floor and I would pump her, but this could easily be misinterpreted.

Anyway, all done, so going for an early night tonight. Get the washing all hung up, then straight on to Pizza and bed as I have a stupidly early flight tomorrow. Will be flying solo again, but this time I think it’s three circuits without crashing, will be a challenge.