So I was invited to an interview at Glyndebourne

I received an invitation to apply to Glyndebourne as they had heard of my musical talents. I duly arrived and found myself in a gymnasium. We were all in teams of two, I spent most of the time staring at a student in front of me, wearing what can only be described as a wrestling singlet with his balls trying to escape from it. We did some running around between cones, which seemed somewhat odd for an opera house. Anyway, then from above us descended some giant square tunnel like structures. Jake, the guy who I was with went first. He was told to follow what the student with the large balls was doing. So in he got, the tunnel the raised to the ceiling again. There were two treadmills inside it, one at the front with bursting balls and then Jake some meters behind. The treadmills started up and they got going, then shortly the whole tunnel rotated ninety degrees, they were now running sideways. Then it rotated again and now they were running upside down. Eventually it rotated the right way up again and the tunnel came back to my level. It was now my turn. I thought, ‘bugger that’ and left. It was now time for the main interview. I was sat at a table with three pretentious people who all looked down their noses at me. I was asked three questions, I can only remember one of them, ‘How do you end a symphony?’. I thought and just said ‘Well, you just stop it.’ She gave a cackle and then explained that a symphony should consist of at least three parts and you couldn’t ‘just end it.’ I left. I guess my opera singing days are over.

Spent all day comparing the output between one system and another, it was very long winded, very dull. Walked the dogs. Went to Combat, no Sarah as she has ebola. This meant with the five people there I had the whole of the mirror to myself to admire my arms in. Came back and was due to do a maximum of half an hour. Hour and a half later I’d finished. I did want to do something this evening but just ended up watching the tele by the time I’d finished. Off to bed, then the same again tomorrow I expect.

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