Took a while to get on with things, but when I did all went to plan. I did actually get some really good work done today. Yet another nice day, well during the light bit anyway. Still somewhat cold. Sasha had a nice walk. Walked to the gym in light drizzle, did Pump, walked home in light rain. Finished off work. Had a look at the Disney fast pass thing, all looks a tad complicated, some sort of military operation, I thought it was meant to be spontaneous and fun. I guess my spontaneous days are over, certainly the fun ones are.

Today has been really up and down. From manic euphoria to booking a one-way ticket to Switzerland. It’s not work. That’s been very hard, but its the one stability I have, I know what I’m doing with that, it can be the most pressurised thing in the world but I can cope easily. Weather has been very cold, cut Sasha’s walk a tad short because it was freezing and time was getting on. Popped out and did a home check early evening, then worked until quite late. Feeling a little bit of a cold, but it’s very subtle. Went for a walk and then had a bath. It’s now gone midnight and I haven’t even eaton yet. A very up and down week for sure. And I think I’ve got a patch of dermatitis coming on, anyone got any Daktacort going spare? Got a message from Jamie’s Dad about the goings on on the weekend, he apologised for a certain old farts behaviour and said if we go round again (actually Jamie and his sister, I never got a mention) he wouldn’t be invited. Now I know I drink a hell of a lot, but I reckon he’d been drinking pretty much all day and during that meal I’m pretty sure he cleared off the best part of two bottles of red, that’s bloody good going. I’ve got a huge amount of slack for people of a different generation, they were brought up in different times and have some fairly obscure views, but some of the stuff he came up with is pretty intense and even made me cringe.

Felt very low this morning. I was still somewhat seething from last night. Jamie didn’t seem too bothered by the whole thing, I think he’s become a bit immune. I did get a DM today, which was appreciated. I think I agree, next time the dullest meal invite on the planet arrives I’m going to be unavailable, on all dates. If Jamie wants to go that’s entirely up to him and he can make his own arrangements to get there. I’m forty-three and can make decisions on who I wish to see.

Work was more of the same, but finally getting to the end of the current section, which is nice as it’s getting a tad dull. Got to fix it all up now and actually get it all going, so that’ll be interesting at least. Weather was nice, fucking cold, but nice. So Sasha had a nice walk. Walked to the gym, did Combat, it was Nick tonight, he’s overdone the pies at Christmas. Walked home, did a bit more work and then bottled the Riesling. That’s the last lot of white now. I’ve got vouchers for a couple more kits, so will get those ordered up this week.

We’re quite busy over the next few weeks, Jamie is away this weekend at some Sonic thing, we are going out the next two weekends after. Then we get to February, which is a total social blackout, I refuse to do anything in February.

Careful folks, rant mode on. Okay, so I got up late and that was no ones fault but my own. I sterilised a load of wine bottles and transferred the new white to a clean barrel, I managed to kick up a bit of sediment so I’ll give it an extra day to settle. We were due to go to Jamie’s step dads for dinner, although it only seemed like last week we were there before, but apparently it was November, still, too soon. I took Sasha out for a long walk while the rain had stopped, I was seriously in no hurry to get there. Now. I have a major problem with Jamie’s dad’s. (I’m sure there is an apostrophe issue there). Let’s take a step back. Mother – in – laws. Now, here’s the odd thing. I have absolutely no issue with mine whatsoever. Why? Well, it’s a tad odd. But I think she’s one of the few people in the world who actually ‘Get’s me’. This is somewhat worrying, but also comforting in an odd way. How do I explain this? Well, she actually got me the perfect Christmas present, it was a picture of the ‘sands of time’. It’s in a frame on top the lizard tank, which may not exactly be the Louvre, but in this place it’s a pretty good location. What did I ask for Christmas? The one thing I could never buy….time. Now lets take it a step further. Jamie’s step dad, now we are never going to be on the same social circle, this is mainly because I have no one in my social circle, but we can always find something to talk and bitch about, and we can do this with total respect and without comparing penises at a urinal. Not once has he ever mentioned Jamie’s dad or ‘other family’, and I really respect that, he has lots of his own children and grand children and always seems very happy. He does have Sky TV and F1 coverage though, so my feelings may change. Anyway, back to today. We turned up late. This is mainly because I don’t like turning up early. Why? Well. You end up standing in the kitchen trying to have ‘small talk’ with Jamie’s dad. This to be honest this is fucking awkward. He asks about work, I always say, a) I’m always busy, b) I can’t discuss what I’m working on as it’s all covered under very heavy NDA’s & c) I don’t have a clue what I’m doing half the time anyway. I don’t know, we just don’t seem to have any connection whatsoever. I think it stems back to when we were having the civil partnership and he asked ‘Who is wearing the dress?’. I have no problem with his step mum, she’s actually really nice, and I often feel she’s put into a somewhat difficult ‘in-the-middle’ refereeing position. Then we have granddad. He is eighty plus, from a completely different era. And I sometimes feel, a completely different planet. It’s odd, it’s the one person who I expected to be completely homophobic, but he isn’t, not in the slightest. But as soon as you mention ‘marriage’, then he’s totally against it (oddly, so am I, but that’s a conversation for another day, and it isn’t for the reason you think either). So we have dinner after hearing the same anecdotes we heard back in November (reminds me of my mother). It then descends to how it always does. Step dad falls asleep, kids (my husband and his sister) try and hide inside their chairs, step mum plays referee and I have to sit there being in the middle age group having to listen to granddad banging on about failed relationships. And to be honest it’s really fucking awkward. I can’t turn round to an eighty year old and say ‘shut the fuck up’. All I can do is drink coffee quickly and say we have to make a move. Every time it descends to this. As far as I know these people haven’t actually met since our civil partnership, and even further back, I’m not sure they’ve actually met since we’ve been together, so that’s over eleven years. I don’t know, they say you can choose your friends but you can’t choose your family, I just try and avoid them as much as possible. I’d rather be stuck in a lift with the mother-in-law, at least we could discuss how we’d decorate it.

Wasn’t feeling 100% I must confess so woke up this morning and had a couple of cups of coffee and felt somewhat better. Had sex, wasn’t bad. Walked Sasha in the only fifteen minute gap in the rain we had today. We then went to Cribs and Toy’s R’Us. Picked up a miniature burger thing and a pottery wheel. We then spent the best part of the next six hours making two videos, the burger one is fun, but the pottery one is just hilarious. We will spend the whole of tomorrow ignoring each other and editing videos. Haven’t done one in almost a year, it’ll be fun.

Had a fairly normal nights sleep last night, very odd. Felt knackered and didn’t start work until too late though. Another reasonable day, a bit chilly, Sasha got a nice walk. Walked to the gym, did Pump, but had a hell of a headache which is still persisting plus Laverne sounded like she was more closer to death than usual, so didn’t bother doing a session. Did a bit more work. Head is really banging now. Think I’ll have my pizza and head off to bed. I’m somewhat intrigued by this years CBB, mainly due to the lack of C.

So once again had a fairly appalling nights sleep, but no screaming in the middle of the night. Started work late as I was knackered. Run-time shader work, not the most exciting thing in the world. Quite a nice day though, Sasha once gain got a nice walk. Worked until after 8PM and then went for a run. Went passed the old house, I already knew the Leylandii had been chopped down last week, but it was quite sad to see the cherry tree had now been chopped down as well. That was probably close to a twenty year old mature tree now. All it really needed was a good trim. That corner looks rather boring now. Still, time moves on, it’s not mine anymore. That whole road looks like a complete dump to be honest, it was a lovely place when I first moved in there. Looking forward to tonights screaming attack.

Still didn’t get to sleep early last night, but at least I didn’t wake up screaming, so I’ll count that as a plus. Spent the bulk of the day testing shaders for compatibility. Then I had an email from a first party regarding something I had to add in a hurry, an hour after the build had been sent off. How not to be popular. Another vaguely nice day, so Sasha got a nice walk again. Walked to the gym, did Pump. Got glared at by a guy. He had eight fucking risers on his step, everyone else was down to four, and the cupboard was empty. I just took his step off and helped myself to four. He kind of gave me that look of ‘what the fuck are you doing?’. I gave him the look of ‘I don’t really give a fuck about my life so don’t think for a second I care much about yours.’ He declined to say anything and just put his mat back on the step. I really wasn’t in the mood. Walked home and sorted out this additional first party shit. Did another Sudoku puzzle, got it right this time. I’m thinking of not flying for a while, for the simple reason I want to save up some money for when the weather is good I can do a load of flights and take some people out. At the moment my currency is all over the place and I have to do a check flight every time it doesn’t rain, which at the moment isn’t very often.

And just to prove my mind is a little bit screwed, what popped into it earlier? ‘Glug-a-glug-tug’, it was a little boat with yellow floats that you could fill with water and it would go along in the bath. I’m sure my mother got rid of it, probably decided I was too old for it at twenty-six.

So went to bed at a sensible time after a Camomile tea and some fruit cake. Watched an episode of ‘Air crash Investigation’ and felt extremely tired. So I didn’t take any pills or any alcohol. Didn’t go anywhere for about three hours. Imagine if you are extremely tired and yet your brain is still running at a million miles an hour, processing work, life, everything as if you were on speed. But your body isn’t able to support it. I eventually dropped off. I had the weirdest nightmare. I was in a house with strange people being hunted down. I woke up at about five AM screaming, ‘Who the fuck are you?’ about half a dozen times apparently. I then spent the next hour talking to the ceiling, apparently it didn’t answer back. Still started work vaguely on time. Working on the run-time side of my shader compiler, all mostly going to plan. Took Sasha out for a long walk. Went for a run in the light drizzle. Now watching CBB, can’t really decide if I’m going to watch it or not. So looking forward to sleep tonight, I’m going to get an answer out of that ceiling if it kills me, it actually stands a fairly good chance.

So work was kinda normal Monday type thing. I really couldn’t get into it first thing. Managed to catch the weather just right though and took Sasha out for a long walk. The afternoon was more productive. Then I was going to walk to the gym but the heavens opened again so drove instead. Came back and did almost three hours of productive work. Ate salad and then did something I haven’t done in a long time, a Sudoku puzzle. Was good fun, but not as hard as the ones I’ve done before, still it was only the first one in the book. Going to try and sleep pill free and then get an early start tomorrow.

I’ve removed the login on the comments section, so hopefully won’t get spammed again.