Tag Archives: cooking

It’s a washing machine, it washes clothes, move on

Posted on by
1

So started off this morning with walking the dog (actually I started off the morning with quite a big poo, but that’s may be a bit too graphic). It rained, it was miserable. Did the shopping. Jamie failed to get me his shopping list by the deadline so he has nothing.

Then I went over mothers as she wanted to get a new washing machine. We went to a place on Gloucester road, they had washing machines. There was also a very annoying young girl there, she must have been about 8, she was going up and down all the machines and opening everything and slamming it shut. I wanted to just beat her to a pulp, then find her parent(s) and beat them to a pulp, they of course weren’t around as they were probably arranging some crack cocaine deal or buying an expensive tea-pot. Mother told her that’ll she’ll break something in a minute, I just glared at her until she looked scared shitless. She’ll have nightmares about that until she’s about 45 and even then she’ll think twice about ever closing a washing machine door. We failed to buy one there. We moved on….to Comet, which was of course closing down. They had stack loads of washing machines at silly 30% off prices, there was a half reasonable one for £180 rather than £300. They would bung it in the car for you. All she had to arrange was getting it out of car and moving in house, now half of the heavy handed brigade was already there. But oh no, rather than save about £150 she just stood there and moaned about how problematic it all would be and that it would have to be plumbed in, and it’s cold fill only and her old pipe might leak….at this point I just walked out. Then on to Curry’s. Where we found a washing machine, amongst about 700 washing machines. They all looked pretty much the same to me. You bung stuff in, add stuff in various drawers, leave it for 3 hours to talk to itself and then remove all the stuff which is now just as dirty as it went in, but smells a bit less like dog. She bought the machine, it’s being delivered next Sunday, they will install it and remove the old one. She will no doubt poor the bastard who delivers it with “I’ve had a Hoover for ten years and never had a problem with it.” By this time the fitter will be diving into his tool box to get a wrench to remove his own kidneys to protect his dignity from listening to so much anal drivel.

I fixed her fucking curtain rail.

Came back, did the accounts. Looked at various Christmas present lists, decided I have no money so didn’t buy anything. Tomorrow I have a fun day of unblocking drains and adding boiler wiring. I may have to reach for that wrench myself. Tonight I’m cooking chicken garlic chilli masala, I need to build up a bit of internal power for the drain cleaning. Nothing like being up to your armpits in the contents of your own intestines, unless you are into self fisting of course.

I have a self cleaning oven, although I’ve never caught it at it

Posted on by
Reply

So where were we, as yes Saturday. Got up later than I’d planned, considering I wanted to do a load of house re-checks today for Holly Hedge. Walked the dog, we got heavily hailed on, she really wasn’t keen on that, so we came back. I did the shopping which seemed to take forever as I had two bloody lists. Unpacked shopping, had lunch.

Then decided I really must get on with these home checks, so rang a couple and one was in, so went and did that. Lovely lady, lovely cat. Then I drove into town so I could go into Apple Store to be told that we don’t actually have any Apple products here so please order them online. Went into Robert Dyas and bought some new phones as I was bored of my outgoing line phone cutting out after five minutes. Went into House Of Fraser, looked at coffee machines, they didn’t have what I wanted. Well they had what I would have liked, but there was no way I was going to pay that much for it. Bought some new noodle bowls.

Came back home, walked the dog round the block as she was looking edgy. Had shower, went and picked up Andy & Lisa, as well as Jamie. Came back, we had Champagne (no Lulu). I cooked. Apparently it was fabulous. It was Chicken, Shiitake Mushrooms, Asparagus and Ginger. I did it with Noodles and rice (for an awkward one, it’s like vegetarians, if you don’t want meat then go outside and eat my lawn.) We drink wine, a lot of wine. Considering the talk usually centers around Tesco’s I was quite surprised that this evening oddly it didn’t. We somehow managed to talk about children’s eating habit’s and how Jamie can actually find his way around London on his own without getting lost, mugged or bum raped.

So this morning we got up late. Well before we got up we did perform the sex act. Well I performed it, it’s not exactly like a Shakespearean play, I doubt he was in to bum sex, Jamie just really didn’t seem in the mood. About half hour later though he had perked up somewhat (both mentally and metaphorically) so I performed my mad maracas routine on his love pump while he laid back, closed his eyes and thought about Terry Wogan in Speedos. We then got up. I had boiled eggs.

As it was Sunday it was Jamie’s turn to walk the dog. As it was a nice day I decided to be the tour guide, otherwise the walk would have been about three minutes long. I dressed in cross country trainers and old trakkie bottoms. Jamie dressed like he was off to a gay bar. We went on one of my longer routes, oddly Jamie didn’t moan at all. I then came back and mowed the lawn, followed by watching a guy jump out of a wheelie bin at the edge of space. “Felix Baumgartner”, if I had balls your size, I’d have serious walking issues.

So there we are, back up to date, the rest of the evening will consist of wine, bath, more wine, curry (with wine), followed by falling asleep in front of the Korean GP.

Ordered my iPhone5, well it’s the companies iPhone5, but they won’t get it.