The great gig in the sky

So woke up pretty much bang on 9AM yet again. Got up put the towels out like a good German. I then found out the Rosebud bar has a real coffee machine. Beans go in and black myrrh comes out. I had two cups, the woman gave me strange looks, then a man came up and ordered four glasses of champagne, he was alone, it was 9:30 in the morning, she now had bigger issues to contend with. I went to the Spa thing, which has a name I can’t even pronounce yet alone spell, it was something Thai, but didn’t contain sticky rice. I booked an eighty minute massage in ‘happy hour’ so I got a 25% discount. Went to the pool, we settled in a nice secluded spot that was subject to a force nine gale.

It was soon time for my massage. The little Thai woman ushered me into a changing room, I removed everything apart from a very revealing pair of trunks. I then faced down on a couch and got duly pummelled by a small Thai woman over the next eighty minutes. She worked on every body part (apart from that one, well it was happy hour, so you never know) including spending a rather large amount of time on my face, that probably needed the most work. She had a bit of a cold going so it was difficult to know if I was being massaged with fine oils or nose mucus. She did a good job and I waved goodbye to about a quid a minute, it’s something that makes helicopter lessons seem all the more reasonable.

Had lunch, it was only the fifth pizza this week. We retired back to the pool but it got bloody cold with no sun and the wind. So we relocated to the main pool area where we found a patch of sun and two homosexuals, you could spot them a mile off as they hadn’t eaton since they were twelve and the ‘top’ was wearing a pair trunks so tiny that if there would have been a sudden change of wind direction a ball may have escaped. They sat their connected to iPods ignoring each other, a more good looking version of Jamie and I.

We escaped back to the hotel room. Where we lied on the bed for a couple of hours, watched multiple episodes of ‘Family Guy’, something that I’ve never watched before, but now think it’s the most hilarious thing ever invented. Jamie inadvertently tossed me off during a gag about a lazy Susan being built for a bat mobile. I then tousled his hair while ‘used’ spunk was solidifying on my leg, that had to be chipped off later. Had a shower, ate a very modest dinner, actually I think I’m actually eating less here during an evening than I do at home, which is something considering all I eat is bloody salad.

Picked up alternate media devices and retired to the Rosebud bar. There is the worlds worst ‘party’ DJ in the pool bar below, he thinks he’s gods gift to music, he’s now playing Abba, you name a crap hit from the past twenty years and it’s been in his ‘mix’.

So tomorrow I fancy popping out in the morning. I had no success with that other Geocache as it was halfway down a cliff, but there are a few more to try just about two miles away. So I reckon a morning coffee and then a bit of walk. I did have to do a bit of a roadmap Google and see if it was walkable, the other alternatives were getting a Dulmus which is full of poor people and chickens, very similar to using ‘CityLink’ in Bristol, getting a taxi, which is taking your life in your hands as all the taxi drivers have a mobile phone clamped to their ears, or hiring a car, which you don’t want to do as you may come across some of these taxi drivers. Or I could hire a camel, which is probably the most sensible, they are bigger than cars, only need to be refuelled once a month and you can park a camel anywhere (would you argue with one?). Alas, they are walkable, so I’ll give that a blast I think. Mind you the last time I ventured out into the wilds of Turkey I came across a rather confused tortoise and a rather pissed off scorpion, so hopefully this time I will come out unscathed.

Last couple of days. It’s been nice without access to the work forum. I just wonder what chaos awaits me when I’m back.

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