You’ll need a gondola to get across that kitchen

I think boiler man number one has given up now and probably will never hear from him again. May be I teased him a bit too much when I said that the boiler he recommended would require a pump overrun cable and a pump bypass.

So got up, relatively early for a Saturday, didn’t want to have a wanking incident with Keith Lemon again. Walked the dog, took her to the vets to get her worming tablets and flea stuff. Been trying to phone people for home checks and re-checks but no one wants to answer (may be my mothers contacted them and she’s going for some sort of quasi revenge). Reserved my new coffee machine at Curry’s. Did the shopping, which as usual was in two parts as Jamie didn’t give me his list in time. He wanted to blue tooth it to my phone, but forced him to write it down. He still has the ability to write, unlike me, but his writing is appalling at the best of times, but when scribbled with a green marker pen, it makes it even more of a challenge.

Had lunch. It was toast today, with cheese. Oh and half a sausage roll. The dog required the other half to take with her worming tablets. Well it’s not like you take a headache pill and have a glass of water chaser, she didn’t swallow them down then think what I really need now is a sausage roll to make it a square meal, I put the pills inside the roll…

Anyway, then drove up to Curry’s and picked up said coffee maker. At this point I realised just how big the bloody thing is, you can buy smaller cars…you can buy smaller houses. Anyway, then went to John Lewis to spend a tenner on a Dualit milk frothing jug. Need to go posh all the way, one day I’ll have granite work tops and a Dualit toaster, I’ve already made a start with the Brabantia bin… Came back and put coffee machine in lounge, where it will stay until I get a bigger kitchen, or move some shit about. I then did the cleaning, this is my ‘every other week’ clean as hopefully the new cleaners will start next week. So basically hoovered the dog hair off the carpets and cleaned the kitchen worktops, cooker and sink. Then cleaned the bathroom sink and loo. I also cleaned the old coffee maker out and de-scaled it. That’s going to be someone’s Christmas present…

Did the accounts, wrote this and now I think it’s time for a quick bath before I make the dinner.

During all the evening Sasha has been barking due to all the fireworks. I gave her a bone but she was too scared to eat it. After I calmed her down (her little heart was going flat out), she wouldn’t leave me alone. When I was cleaning the kitchen she lade on my feet, in the bathroom she was on the bath mat and then when I did the bills she was at the base of my chair. When Jamie came home she decided she had enough security so found where she left the bone and destroyed it in about ten minutes. Normal service has been resumed. I’ve left contact details with Pawstretchers doggy day care, so may take her there next week.

Anyway, time for that bath. Oh, the title? It was just something odd I read this morning which has stuck in my mind all day, a bit like butt cheeks.

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