Inappropriate text messages

Started this morning with a massive migraine, so didn’t appreciate the bloody phone ringing, both the house one and the mobile. To be honest I couldn’t see a bloody thing until about 2PM. I don’t get them very often but when I do they knock me out cold. Took elephant pills and went back to bed. Had a light lunch and then felt absolutely fine, it’s just the way they go. Walked Sasha and headed into town for a bit. It’s actually a long time since I’ve just walked round the shops. I’ve got less than 200Km to go now on Pokemon Go.

Now. If you send me an SMS text message I will not get a notify. This is because I get about twenty a day and they are all spam. If however you have an iPhone I get an iMessage. These I do get a notify for. I bet you never realised this did you? Go through your contacts on messenger, the ones with an iPhone come up as iMessage. Anyway, what this means is that anyone who sends me a message from an iPhone I will look at, if you don’t have an iPhone any SMS message will just get dumped on a list with three thousand others. However, I do go through that list from time to time. Here is a recent dump of messages, I’ve altered them a little bit for comic effect:

“Tim, I’m having a problem with my milk, can you call me please.”

“I’ve called the dairy. They say they have checked the cow and it’s fine, so the problem is at my end. You know I’m lost without my milk.”

“I’ve checked the bottle and it’s fine. I don’t know what’s wrong. I’m stuck in this house and I don’t have any usable milk.”

“Sheila says that if she doesn’t have the appropriate milk content then she turns into a turnip. She spends over a hundred quid a week on groceries you know.”

“Pam uses a walker you know, but she has milk. She also watches Country File, I’ve never understood her fetish with John Craven.”

“You may need to come up and transfer the milk from one fridge to the other.”

“There’s an awful lot of equity left in this house, you could build your own dairy.”

“Do you have any receipts for milk you have bought in the past? I can submit an expense claim and claim back all the milk I’ve ever used.”

“If I don’t get my calcium you know, I could fall over and break a hip joint.”

“Your sister has popped in and checked the container, she says it’s fine. I’ve rung up again and they are sending a farmer around Monday.”

“Should I buy my own cow?”

“Can you lend my 70 quid to pay my credit card interest?”

This ladies and gentleman is why I disable SMS notifications.

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