I always thought ‘Superkings’ were a type of fags

So yesterday we got up eventually and managed to end up in town. Went to a toy shop and failed to buy anything. Went to T.K Maxx and bought items for the holiday we don’t actually need. Came back home and shit, showered, shaved. Headed out. The less said about that probably the better. But we ended up going to bed in the late hour of this morning. I was perfectly okay, actually my lager consumption over the period of time meant I was actually below the drink-drive limit. I went to bed with a nice half bottle of wine and an episode of ‘Air Crash Investigation’. Jamie said he was going to sit in bed and order some shoes, I didn’t think anything of it. We eventually went to sleep just as the sun was getting up.

So this morning I kicked Jamie to let Dillon out, he brought me breakfast, which is a world first as I didn’t actually ask for it. He then checked his phone and said, ‘Shit I bought two pairs of shoes last night’. He had no recollection at all. I had a phone message from mother last night, together with a creepy text, “I do hope you can help me with my curtains…’. Freaky bitch. I phoned her eventually and she’d, managed to fuck her curtain rail up. So I went there and sorted it out the best I could. There was a limit to how many contortions I was going to pull on top of a pair of steps. She can now manually close them, she needs the fucking exercise.

This afternoon we ventured off to look at beds. We’ve decided that we don’t actually like the fifteen hundred quid memory foam mattress I bought three years ago. So we tried out quite a few. We found the best one was a pocket sprung one with a latex top. Unfortunately we found it also had some appalling reviews, so I’m a bit unsettled on the whole idea at the moment. We did find a new bed frame thing we like though. Now we have to pick a size. We have a standard double at the moment. This means Jamie and I are too close together. A king size doesn’t seem to make much sense. It’s an extra six inches, admittedly if those were on dick length it would make a lot of difference, but on bed width, not much. So we are looking at ‘Super king’, this would allow us to be intimate every four years, have a cuddle on a daily basis but then sleep apart by almost a complete time zone. Whats more it will fit. So if your in the market for a three year old fifteen hundred quid mattress, a solid pine bed that cost me two grand and a shit load of bedding, let me know, or it will end up at the tip.

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