People keep saying, “You should take your mother out for mother’s day”. I always fancied being a bit of a hit man.

Finally got Jamie to get out of bed, let the dogs out and make me breakfast. After Jamie continued to snooze we eventually got up and took the dogs out, they had a good run out at the field in Almondsbury.

We then ventured down to the mother-in-laws.

Now I’m going to waffle, stick with it. I was using her Kindle to access my helicopter videos on YouTube and opened up the web browser. It was set to this blog….awkward.

Okay. So the MIL reads my blog, should I change my political views on people who claim benefits? No, that would be rather two faced. Plus, this is the interesting thing, I think we could quite happily put each others views across and agree to disagree on certain points.

Now this is a bit weird. I’m sat there talking about flying helicopters at four hundred an hour in a council flat that would quite happily fit in my living room with space left over for a few more cats. But what do I see in front of me? This is the odd thing. I see someone who is perfectly happy and content. Her flat is beautifully decorated (if you like teal) with great attention to detail. The garden has had a huge amount of effort put into it, but not just for her benefit, she has a whole load of elderly and incapacitated neighbours (who seem to pop-off with alarming regularity) who’s gardens she also tends. We had a lovely dinner, she went out of the way to provide me with a bacon free version. I felt welcome. Now, this is a lady of a certain age, I’m sure she has ailments, her husband for sure suffers from great back pain. I can really respect back pain as I get it a lot, it feels like a spear has been jammed up from your asshole up to your neck. Yet she was sat there asking me about my problems, my depression and what I was up to. Not once did she mention that a leg had fallen off, she had cysts on her arms or her breasts were oozing oil. Some people bang on about, “You must always have aspirations”. Bollocks, if you are happy you are happy. I just have total respect for the lady. I suffer from the fact that no matter what i have, I will always aspire to want more, one day I’ll do some sort of Icarus and fly an R22 into the sun. I’m sure sometimes she thinks that she can’t connect to me, but that’s totally my fault. I’m just not used to people asking questions about me and my life. I’ve been brought up with my mother who’s entire life revolves around her. I was never asked about me. Okay, may be I was, but it was more the case of ‘How are you?, Oh, my kitchen light keeps flickering, my leg hurts, I’m out of money because I spent it all in shit’. So yes, when someone does genuinely ask about me, I suddenly get a little bit introverted, as I’m just not quite used to it. I respect you for your principles and the fact that you just seem so happy. I think perhaps you could have taught Jamie to be a bit tidier. A couple of complaints though, four sausage rolls to take home is a bit of a disgrace and you have Sky+ HD, even I can’t afford that. You really could teach my mother a thing or two. Where as you seemingly spend your time helping your neighbours, mine seems to spend her time moaning about hers. If I lived next-door to my mother, I would have had her knocked off by now.

So in conclusion, happy mother’s day! To my mother-in-law.

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