This morning started off pretty much the same as the others, I woke up, had a pee then made it down to breakfast. It was only about 10:15 today. I had two cups of tea, croissants, cereal and yoghurt. I think I even managed orange juice. Towels were placed.

I tried to sort out the airport transfer but they said call back tomorrow, even if it said confirm 48 hours before. We then went to the sun-beds, I managed about three pages of ‘Air Law’, before descending to my Kindle and starting on the ‘Hunger Games Pt2’, chasing fire or something I think it’s called. It’s a bit of a slow burner (pun intended), but I’m about 60% through and not a great deal has happened yet. Still I will polish it off tomorrow.

I spent all day drinking beer, which now means my guts want to explode with excessive wind. What I need is a really good burp and a massive poo.

So we spent all day by the pool. This is why I like Turkey, there must have been about what thirty people round it in total. There was an old German woman about 60, with no top on, very saggy tits. If she didn’t keep her chin up her nips would have caught in the cracks in the tiles. There was another old German women, coughing her remaining lung up as she lit up a fag. A French couple, she sat there in something that I can only describe as ‘a salad’ and he sat there doing Suduko in a very ill fitting pair of speedos. There was quite a cute looking guy who had some sort of patchy skin complaint, he spent all day dabbing himself with what looked like typex. There were various Russian’s with small children bursting out of ill fitting shorts. There was an old Belgian man who spent all day drinking Turkish tea out of small glasses while he showed off his rather large penis in a very baggy pair of budgie smugglers. There were no stunners, no supermodels, no porn stars. And the best part about it…no one gave a shit. I sat there slightly bulging over my ‘Aussie Bums’ catching the rays. Jamie sat there in a pair of shorts. Nobody really cast an eye, there were no stares, no one commented that a 70 year old probably could wear something more age appropriate, well if they did it wasn’t in English. Everyone just gave each other just a little bit of personal space and a lot of respect. It’s obvious that the total crowd there couldn’t ever have an in depth discussion, we spoke about five different languages and this wasn’t the United Nations. The closest you got to a translator was the barman. Speaking of which, there was a very proud man. I had a brief chat to him. He works seven days a week during ‘the season’, he starts at 7AM and finishes at 7PM, he has no breaks, he grabs something to eat from the bar during the day. He is in charge of the whole bar at that pool, he also has to monitor the toilets every hour. I doubt he’s particularly highly paid, but he’s pretty happy with his little empire. Every time I saw or spoke to him he was always polite, always had a smile. If he wasn’t busy at the bar he’d walk round with bottles of water and take drink orders around the pool. I was never short of a beer. It must be very difficult to feel content, but I have a feeling that this man was, he was happy with his lot, happy with what he did, enjoyed it even. You do have to admire that in a person. I did speak about the occupancy, it appears we are currently at about 400 with a max of 700, so just over half full. Apparently it’s been like this all summer, which is a shame, it’s a nice hotel. Probably a bit on pricey side, but at least it keeps the Thomas Cooke Essex brigade somewhere else. I’d much rather spend the day next to a old Belgian with a giant penis than a man from Essex and his bronzed wife who was a giant penis.

Jamie went back to the room, I finished off my chapter. We ended up in the bath, no sex, too much the beginning of the week, plus I think I may have exploded.

We went to dinner, I had a couple of rather nice pasta dishes, okay it was a Friday, but I’d already had pizza at the pool bar. Couple of nice desserts as well, nothing too excessive.

Entertainment this evening was a couples thing in the amphitheatre, this is normally some sort of ‘Mr & Mrs’ interpretation and normally in German so we gave it a miss. Oddly we we sat down on a small jetty by the sea on a couple of sun-beds. We had the most amazing view of the moon. I started discussing the moon landings and if they were faked or not. We got on to lots of deep conversation, a security guard popped down and probably wondered what the hell we were up to, after he decided we were just into some very serious philosophical discussion and not about to set the fridge on fire he left us to it. Jamie wants to join a gym and may be get a bit fitter. That’s great, I always enjoy exercise, certainly after a good combat class I really feel good. But he needs to do it for himself, not for me or for anyone else. Physical fitness is a great boost to the self. Would I object if he had a six pack and could bang all night? Of course I wouldn’t, but as I say, he needs to do it for himself and I’ll support him all the way, if that means having to actively ignore him, then so be it, as I fear that may be the case. Any encouragement may just be seen as negativity.

Anyway, after deep thought we retired to the room and had a bit of a slurp, well it wasn’t a slurp, we just kind of laid around for an hour. I then changed into some shorts and off we popped to the ‘Rosebud’ bar. I must say, my mother would approve but every night I have actually put on long trousers, okay skinny jeans, to eat, as everyone, or practically everyone was sticking to the dress code. This is fine providing we could eat outside, but anywhere inside was far too hot. Certainly afterwards I enjoyed changing into something slightly less formal so I could cool down.

Alas, we are now almost at an end. Seven days of fun and relaxation is almost at an end. It looks like everyone at home has suffered from ‘freshers flu’ I’m sure it will strike us when we are back. I’m now on my third ‘Long Island Ice Tea’. I don’t really know whats in them, but what I do know is that it’s at least five spirits that aren’t measured and then topped up with a minimal amount of coke.

Turkey, once again you have lived up to all expectations, you’ve failed to disappoint. You may cost about about two and a half grand, but I always consider it money well spent. I’ve never come away from here not feeling relaxed and if you have as many mental problems and instabilities as I have then thats one hell of a good thing.

Turkey, please make friends with Syria, just treat it like a Belgian with a giant penis and like the current song in the background which couldn’t be more apt ‘Let it be.’.