Careful folks, rant mode on. Okay, so I got up late and that was no ones fault but my own. I sterilised a load of wine bottles and transferred the new white to a clean barrel, I managed to kick up a bit of sediment so I’ll give it an extra day to settle. We were due to go to Jamie’s step dads for dinner, although it only seemed like last week we were there before, but apparently it was November, still, too soon. I took Sasha out for a long walk while the rain had stopped, I was seriously in no hurry to get there. Now. I have a major problem with Jamie’s dad’s. (I’m sure there is an apostrophe issue there). Let’s take a step back. Mother – in – laws. Now, here’s the odd thing. I have absolutely no issue with mine whatsoever. Why? Well, it’s a tad odd. But I think she’s one of the few people in the world who actually ‘Get’s me’. This is somewhat worrying, but also comforting in an odd way. How do I explain this? Well, she actually got me the perfect Christmas present, it was a picture of the ‘sands of time’. It’s in a frame on top the lizard tank, which may not exactly be the Louvre, but in this place it’s a pretty good location. What did I ask for Christmas? The one thing I could never buy….time. Now lets take it a step further. Jamie’s step dad, now we are never going to be on the same social circle, this is mainly because I have no one in my social circle, but we can always find something to talk and bitch about, and we can do this with total respect and without comparing penises at a urinal. Not once has he ever mentioned Jamie’s dad or ‘other family’, and I really respect that, he has lots of his own children and grand children and always seems very happy. He does have Sky TV and F1 coverage though, so my feelings may change. Anyway, back to today. We turned up late. This is mainly because I don’t like turning up early. Why? Well. You end up standing in the kitchen trying to have ‘small talk’ with Jamie’s dad. This to be honest this is fucking awkward. He asks about work, I always say, a) I’m always busy, b) I can’t discuss what I’m working on as it’s all covered under very heavy NDA’s & c) I don’t have a clue what I’m doing half the time anyway. I don’t know, we just don’t seem to have any connection whatsoever. I think it stems back to when we were having the civil partnership and he asked ‘Who is wearing the dress?’. I have no problem with his step mum, she’s actually really nice, and I often feel she’s put into a somewhat difficult ‘in-the-middle’ refereeing position. Then we have granddad. He is eighty plus, from a completely different era. And I sometimes feel, a completely different planet. It’s odd, it’s the one person who I expected to be completely homophobic, but he isn’t, not in the slightest. But as soon as you mention ‘marriage’, then he’s totally against it (oddly, so am I, but that’s a conversation for another day, and it isn’t for the reason you think either). So we have dinner after hearing the same anecdotes we heard back in November (reminds me of my mother). It then descends to how it always does. Step dad falls asleep, kids (my husband and his sister) try and hide inside their chairs, step mum plays referee and I have to sit there being in the middle age group having to listen to granddad banging on about failed relationships. And to be honest it’s really fucking awkward. I can’t turn round to an eighty year old and say ‘shut the fuck up’. All I can do is drink coffee quickly and say we have to make a move. Every time it descends to this. As far as I know these people haven’t actually met since our civil partnership, and even further back, I’m not sure they’ve actually met since we’ve been together, so that’s over eleven years. I don’t know, they say you can choose your friends but you can’t choose your family, I just try and avoid them as much as possible. I’d rather be stuck in a lift with the mother-in-law, at least we could discuss how we’d decorate it.