Silent wiping and the Kim & Co. gimp suit

This morning started at almost normal time, well normal for me. It was milestone build day, so I was sat in a chat room with about fifteen people all panicking. I got my build uploaded and working with a whole six minutes to spare, I really don’t know what all the stress is about.

Jamie went out with Tyrion to eat, I’m sure he played with his broad sword.

After about five years of having my car with really annoyingly loud wiper blades I bought some new ones off Amazon. After about twenty minutes I worked out how to fit them. I then spent ten minutes inside the car listening to the silence as they swished by.

I had a bath, a glass a wine and classic FM. I was listening to Rachmaninoff’s piano concerto No.2 (The one in brief encounter, see I can be quite cultured when I’ not being an ass). I was thinking that may be fifty would be a good time to call it quits. I mean, that gives me eight years and a few odds to complete everything I want to do and to visit everywhere I want to go. For instance I’ve never woken up and thought “Fuck, I really need to go to Norway” or “The one thing I really must do is go hang-gliding over the Himalayas”. I think eight years may be enough. I may even get a couple more rooms decorated. I don’t want to get to a pensionable age and suddenly realise I don’t actually have a pension. I don’t want to sit there and wonder if I can afford a box of Ritz crackers. I don’t want the only highlight of my week to be the postman arriving delivering a Kim & Co. gimp suit from QVC. I don’t want to sit and drown in my own bile.

It would make an interesting YouTube video. Don’t think it could be done though, how could you video dying and then upload it? It would require some dodgy scripting and you just know that will fuck up. How about twitter? That would be cool. But you just know at the ultimate moment, some cunt in a lorry will drive over a man hole cover, the phone lines will jump and your connection will drop, fifty years will be completely pointless because you couldn’t tweet ‘That’s all folks’ at the exact second.

May be I’m just in one of those moods. But don’t worry I won’t shuffle off the mortal coil without righting a few wrongs along the way. There are a few people I need to take out first, you know who you are, and I’m coming to get you.

I was thinking of doing a new YouTube video, which will consist of me, a rolling camera on mains power and a memory card that can hold about three hours. I’ll then just sit there and consume two bottles of wine. It may be an Oscar wining performance or totally shit, but either way, it could be very revealing.

Still got a bit of a cold, hopefully in the recovery phase now, want to get back to the gym and normality.

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