Is it that just that Jesus has a bigger penis?

So where are we now? (Why have I suddenly gone royal?) Where am I now? I’m forty-seven and single. Is this my own doing? Probably. Am I going to write this entire post in question and answer format? Most likely.

I’m currently sat in the lobby bar in Antalya, Turkey. To my left is a group of English people, basically discussing the joys of social media. In front of me is a German family, I really don’t have any clue about what they are talking about.

I’ve been here a week. That’s probably far too long. Only having you’re own company for that long is probably a very bad thing. It gives you far too much time to think. I’m permanently tired. I’ve drunk far too much, but considering I’ve been drinking pretty much constantly all day, I’ve never been ‘pissed’, okay, except for last night, but that was really the exception.

So what happened? Where did it all go wrong? If I was following the format properly then I would then type the answers, but that is something I sadly do not possess. Four times I’ve been to this hotel, twice now on my own. They do their best here, the entertainment staff always try to be inclusive. The staff in general are all fantastic, they know my favourite tables, food orders and most importantly what drinks I like, and when to deliver them.

What response would you have? Puzzle me this. (I’m sorry if this has more prose context switches than the whole of Ulysses, but please just take it as a brain dump of consciousness).

“Are you content?”

Those were the exact words.

I will never forget them.

I was watching ‘Dickinsons real deal’ with a glass of white. He’d been out all day, coming up to his thirtieth birthday, been acting strange.

It took me back somewhat.

I had to think, I didn’t like doing that on a Tuesday.

Well. Yes, I kind of think I was. And that was the beginning of the end.

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