Last nights curry was a great success. Well it was for me, Jamie kept complaining that it was too hot and it spoilt it. It only contained twelve red birds eye chilli’s and four teaspoons of chilli powder. Lightweight.

So this morning started off with a piss for me and Sasha, I then watched the X-Factor on the iPad. Then after discovering that Jamie was vaguely in the mood, I woo’d him by touching his nipple once then sticking my finger in his ear. That’s quite advanced foreplay for me. I then said the magic words ‘I’m going to ride you like a double decker bendy bus’, unblocked the lube bottle where it had solidified with lack of use then did the business. Three minutes later it was time to get up and unblock a drain of a different kind.

I have a new gadget for my pressure washer, it’s a backwards firing jet attachment. Kind of a real man’s version of a douche. I’d like to try it on Jamie’s arse, it would strip back layers dating to the Jurassic period. Anyway, started on drain, it’s very good but still took the best part of four hours to completely unblock about six meters of drain pipe. But you could pour champagne down it (and drink it) after I’d finished. I also took the U-bend off the sink and cleaned out all the crap from that as well. The sink now drains faster than my mothers bank account.

Then on to the second job of the day, which was the pump overrun cable for the new boiler, about half an hour pissing about getting the cable from the airing cupboard to the kitchen and the rest was pretty straightforward. I’ve added a new junction box and wired most of it in. In fact I wired it all in so I could produce a circuit diagram and test it all, only so I could disconnect it again to get the electrician to do the exact same task just because I require a bit of paperwork. Still, I’ll get Paul to do it, he has to make three connections and probably drink about four cups of coffee. Still at least I know he won’t rip me off.

I tidied up the bin collection and got rid of two bins, one with a broken lid that was fifteen years old and a rusty one which wasn’t. I’m now left with the Brabantia and some space. Which is ideal as I can now fill it with shoes.

So this evening I plan on having a bath, watching the X-Factor results and then watching the very last Grand Prix of the season. It’s actually all gone down to the wire so quite looking forward to this one, if I’m not completely pissed by then. Hey, I worked bloody hard today. And it’s fasting day tomorrow. Still if I’m not losing any weight I can always do a colonic using my drain gadget….